1. You don't sweat. You perculate.
2. You think being called a drip is a compliment.
3. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
4. Your so wired that you pick up AM radio.
5. When someone asks how your doing, you reply "Good to the last drop!"
6. Your life's goal is to amount to a "hill of beans".
7. You speak Arabic having never taken a lesson.
8. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

Finally...Your favorite reading is the comic "Too Much Coffee Man" (yes, a real comic)