Pixies Place Forums - View Single Post

The contraceptive pill's always been a bastard for me in terms of my libido.

So has been carrying excess weight (which I know we've been discussing in another thread!) so has an s/o who wasn't interested in foreplay or seduction or any of the things I like about sex.

Perhaps you need to remind yourself of what turns you on in sex, what it is that gets you really excited and then ask yourself whether or not you are still getting that. If it's spontaneity or teasing or variety or whatever, ask yourself whether or not sex with your s/o still gives you that, and whether you've become desensitised to that, or whether he's just not delivering the goods. If you feel that it's just that he's not delivering, then talk to him about it....it'll be in his best interests as well as yours and if it requires a little bit more effort on his part, then he needs to make that effort.

From my own experience, I'd say it's really easy to blame a drug you're on, or work stress or whatever, but that can sometimes be just an easier option than addressing the fact that one or both of you is not making the neccesary effort in the bedroom. If when you're finally having sex, you do enjoy it, but you just never "feel like it" to begin with or it takes you ages to feel aroused enough to actually have sex, I think you need to address the way in which you're entering into sex with your partner. You don't want to end up stuck in the situation, where he's begging for sex, rather than arousing you and making you feel desired and desirable. As I used to say to my ex, "'Pleeeeeeeaaaaaase' really doesn't count as dirty talk to me, and it doesn't turn me on." If the two of you are in a place where he wants sex and you don't, the onus is surely on him, to 'seduce' you. This is where a lot of guys seem to fall down, so perhaps he needs to be reminded of how he treated you when you first got together.....if he was on a first date with you and was trying to get you into bed, how would he behave? And how would you be feeling? You'd be feeling that you could go exactly as far as you wanted, and no further, without any feelings of guilt about 'not letting him have what he wants'. Sometimes the expectation our partners put on sex (everytime we share a passionate kiss, every time we share a shower, every time we cuddle up to the naked in bed) can be such a turn off. See if the pair of you can remove the pressure of sex, by banning it for a period of time (say a month) and allowing yourselves to do 'everything but' doing more and more each session so that you can progress at your own pace. I know that's what would have helped me, when I was in a situation like you're in now. Unfortunately my ex couldn't be bothered to put the effort into improving our situation, which is why he's now an ex!