LarryL......... First of all I'm giving you a BIG WARM HUG.
2nd of all.... Think of your kids and your family. They love YOU and they NEED you. You are going to hurt them for the rest of their lives if you do this.
How do I know? Because I tried it too honey. You WILL change their life.
My Grandmother and my Great Aunt both have comtted suicide and it tore our families apart in so many ways. My father became an alcoholic because of it. I have lost him now too. I too led a very abused childhood. My father was a very tough and hard farmer. His mothers suicide made him even meaner. He took everything out on us kids. You said it in the end of your letter....LOVE STARVED. That and the possibilty that you are going thru the change of life (yes men do too) will drive you crazy. Please go get your hormones checked by a doctor. Going thru menopause will drive you crazy and damn sure cause this roller coaster ride that you are on. Yeah they thought mine was depression too. some of it was and I was told I deserved my nervous breakdown that for all that I had been thru. But now that you know........ Do SOMETHING about it! You come here and talk when you get lonely. Go see a friend, a doctor, your pastor. Just don't sit there and be alone! You have to socialize honey or it will get worse. You have been blessed with feelings that alot of people don't have that I can see in your posts. Tenderness and caring. Use them honey for the good that they are. Share it with some one who needs it. We all need it. That's why we are here in pixies! We need acceptance.( Btw.. I'll take some of that!) I love you even tho I've never met you. But I do honey. I'm here for you. You be here for me too OK?
Love,
Brenda

__________________
I am here for only a short time on this earth. My goal is to make everyone I see smile if only for a moment.