thank you for all of your advice--what i actually did was realize after I had posted that i needed to explain all of this to my wife. I did and now she understands better the things that i feel as well as i now know it wasnt me--it was the fact that she was so tired going back to work and dealing with the baby during the day while i was at work---thank you all this helped me to verbalize my feelings writing it here and thank you all for your inputs ---it has helped me to understand her a little more and trust me i plan on totting a vacuum around all weekend and we will see what happens