I think that couples who have got the 'open marriage' thing right are often pretty discrete about with whom they share this information. Knowing your views on the issue, I also doubt they would ever let you in on that detail of their personal life, for fear of being attacked or thought less of.

By the way, your comment after Prophet's post about this thread not being meant for people who are not married jars with me, since it appears to be a response to what Prophet said about my relationship with Fussy. I'd have thought you'd have to be on a different planet not to realise that Fussy and I have just booked our wedding, since there have been at least 2 threads about it in the last couple of months.

We are in a position where we are going into marriage in a 18 months time, and have made it clear to each other the terms of our marriage. I feel that our sexual habits (and I would count sex with other partners in an open relationship to be part and parcel of 'our sex life') are not something to be shared and declared at the time of our wedding. Just as I'm not intending on making any vows about whether I'm going to particpate in oral sex, anal sex, or masturbation with or without my husband. Quite frankly it's no-one else's business but ours. I believe that the marriage vows referring to faithfulness (I know in the religious ceremony it is described as 'forsaking all others') mean emotional faithfulness, that is not being 'unfaithful'. I do not believe that a sexual act with someone outside of the marriage with the other partner's full knowledge and 'approval' is not being unfaithful, however I feel in a relationship where no such terms have been agreed that even a passionate kiss or the desire to have a relationship with another is unfaithful, if it is kept from the other partner.

My point, in short is that marriages differ for each couple in all sorts of details (are you the kind of couple who does everything together, or are you the kind of couple who have very separate lives? etc) and surely a couple's sex life is one of those details? I think that the traditional marriage ceremony is intentionally ambiguous about faithfulness and sexual fidelity (ironically, probably because it was thought up by a man!) and I think that people are let of that hook far easier than they are let off the one about 'honouring with thy body'. Methinks in the past when one partner ceases to consent to sex with their spouse, that the spouse feels that the contract of marriage has already been broken, allowing them the freedom to have sex with others.......and that aspect of the marriage vows is surely far more destructive.

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