I can easily understand your pains man, my own divorce somewhat mirrors yours in many ways. I didn't see it coming, I was in denial there was an affair and I so wanted to "fix" it. If you don't mind let me share some things I learned with you. First, it takes two to fix it. If she's not trying you're just losing ground. Second, don't blame yourself. Once it's broken it really doesn't make a bit of difference anyway. Beating yourself up over it only drags you further into the mire. I ended up seeing a therapist and the one thing I can say helped me get a grip was his ever present question: "If you knew why would it make any difference?" I swear I tried to analyze it to death and then all of a sudden I knew I had to get a grip and move ahead. My best wishes to you, if you ever need an ear... look me up. You can get through this, it's not the end of the world and believe it or not... better times are just ahead if you let them be.

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery