(((((((LarryL))))))) I think that living to a certain age seems to bring with it regrets from choices made years before ..... some big and some seemingly irrelevant to anyone but ourself. Sounds like a pretty big regret you have to deal with .... but there must also be many things that you have done in the last 30 years that have brought you to be the outstanding, caring, giving, empathetic man that you are and may not have become without the situation. The past will always have regrets and missed opportunities attached to it, but there is aways today and tomorrow and all the tomorrows to come where you can start the process of moving to a different place in your life, either to approach the existing situation differently or come to a decision to change the path that you have been on ... either way, it seems obvious to me that you will not do so on a whim, but rather with well reasoned thoughtfulness and do the best you can to keep the damage minimal in your life and the lives of those who are close. Feel free to PM me if you need to unload.