ok, so my s/o is innocent in many ways about sex (or was, until i got ahold of him ) and i really enjoy corrupting him and getting to do things with him that are new to him. he's a couple years younger than i am and i guess the vast majority of his exes were pretty much into missionary sex or girl riding the boy sex and that was about it. some fingering and oral occasionally, but not alot of new things or a wide variety of positions (i've gotten to introduce him to showering together, sex in the shower, doggy style sex, mutual masturbation...fun fun!). so here's the problem... none of his exes were willing to try anal sex, and he's very curious about it. i, on the other hand, have experienced it more times than i care to and the experiences have not been good. after drinking quite a bit one night, we played around a little and there was anal penetration, but it didn't last very long, not because it was bad, but because it brought up some old feelings/associations that were starting to make me nervous and he was very understanding and gentle and reassuring that we should stop until i was comfortable with it, and that it was no big deal that it didn't last long and that he didn't cum. it wasn't as bad as i was afraid it was going to be, and was actually quite different than with former partners. i'd really like to do it again with him, to give him the full experience, and for myself, i'd like to 1. not be terrified it's going to hurt and turn into a display of how much power he has over me and what he can do to me to show that he's strong and i'm weak (i can't imagine him ever actually being like that with me, but like i said...i've had some BAD experiences with exes where it turned extremely violent and painful and into a "look what i can do to you and you can't do anything about it" sorta thing) and 2. have it feel good (cuz i know a lot of people, male and female, actually find it to be an enjoyable experience they WANT to have as part of their sex life).

i feel like i'm missing something for myself that can be fun, and i want to share that with him as a good thing for both of us. if it turns out that it's not his thing or not my thing...fine. but i want to give it a fair shot and find out what i'm missing out on since i've come to associate the act with pain/violence/etc with past partners.

we've broken through a LOT of my mental blocks and fears (hell, i could admit to him that i was afraid of some things...that was a HUGE deal) together sexually (i'm starting to relax and enjoy oral sex, i looooove when he fingers me and i used to tense up and freak out when i was touched or licked) and emotionally (i love snuggling and close physical contact with him like kissing, holding hands, sitting together on the couch to watch a movie, giving massages, sleeping in the same bed...up until very recently, it scared me and i didn't like to be touched at all by anyone) and this is like...the last big thing. the psychological issues are being addressed in therapy and one on one with him...i know i'm not the only person to have ever been in one or more abusive relationships and i know that professional help can often help ALOT. but on the physical side...i'd like to know more about anal sex and how to do it properly so that it's a good experience for both partners. i know he won't pressure me physically or emotionally and he's repeatedly made it clear that he loves me and that we can stop anytime i want for any reason and that he won't force me or be angry with me and that it's not a big deal if we don't "go all the way" with it. mostly now what i'm worried about is the mechanics of it. i know..use lots of lube and go slowly. start with fingers...teasing...slow penetration with a single finger and then more as your body adjusts to the new sensations. i've found when masturbating that toys aren't painful....particularly vibrators. sometimes i'm suprised when i realize they're inside me...i guess the buzzing sensation helps me relax and there's been no pain at penetration. so i know it's possible...i'd just like to know if anybody has any other advice or techniques or specific things they find enjoyable so you guys could sorta help me along with this one.

hope i didn't ramble too much, and thanks for listening. mad kitty lub to all of my new pixies friends