I have been thinking about this thread for sometime, and I'd like to weigh in. Raven, you are a remarkably courageous, intelligent, and independent woman who is testing the limits of what is comfortable to you. This is visible everywhere in your postings, photos, poetry, and the other areas you have blessed us all by sharing. It has been my experience that when I test my limits, there are moments when I realize that the path I have just undertaken was not a good one for me, and this has often been very frightening.

I think Anthony's points are very well taken. In fact, I think we'd have to look pretty hard for a poster here at Pixies who is not acutely aware of the sexist double standard whereby a drunken callous frat boy with a number of sex partners is a virile stud and a woman or gay man who behaves similarly is some kind of abomination. Still, Loulabelle's wisdom carries the day, in my opinion. The same sexism and male privilege that underlies the double standard has also resulted in a sexual playing field that is far from level. College aged women often bear the most unhappy consequences of this in the form of date rape, STDs, and unwanted pregnancies (it's great to hear that you always play safe, by the way). Also, the fact that 19-20 year old women are often substantially more mature than their male counterparts means that these women often bear a disproportionate amount of the emotional cost of romantic and sexual unhappiness as well.

Speaking from my own experience (privileged male one though it is), I have discovered that, for me, there is such a thing as inappropriate sexual behavior. Although I have trained myself not to give a rat's ass about what parents and other authority figures think about my choice of family and family of choice, there are moments that a quiet, still voice inside me tells me that I have not been true to myself. When I use sex to medicate my feelings of unworthiness, fear, or anger, these feelings reappear with renewed intensity before the nerve endings even stop tingling. When I have important obligations to others, and I look at the clock and find that I have been surfing internet porn for five hours, I know I have substituted the artificial high of sexual arousal for the more satisfying pleasures of adult engagement with the world. And it is this responsible adult engagement which has been the foundation for an expression of my sexuality that has brought me much happiness.

As always, your presence here has stimulated much thought. Thanks for asking such a great question that we all need to think about, Raven.