Ok.....the bad news is there's no easy answer. The good news is, it's not the end of the world. I know, not much...but I've been in places where that was worth hearing .

You two have to talk, everyone's said it...and it's a rare thing that everyone agrees on anything. Hell, even you said you've talked....but you didn't say what you were talking about. And it's real easy to wind up talking about the wrong things....or at least things that don't help close the issue. Were you angry when you were talking? Cause while words tend to come out of your mouth in that state...there's not usually a lot of communication or compromise. Did you tell her that you want to fix this, rather than forget it? Because while you will forget it with time....time is not necessarily going to fix the problem.

You have to tell her you felt hurt and helpless. I know that can be tough, but she needs to know specifically what you can watch and not care about, and what really cuts you. This one I know, I'm a flirt, always was. But there are severe limits to what my guy is comfortable seeing/knowing....so we've found our compromise...I don't pass that line. I've been howling drunk at parties, I've had loads of opportunities....but there's not enough booze in the world to make me so drunk I'd hurt that man. If she's had flirting permission up till now, and the lines weren't clearly drawn....she may not even realize she crossed them.

Lines can be "not this guy" (in which case you've got to be willing to update the list periodically), or no physical contact, or whatever you need them to be. But it has to be a line, not a general "don't"...first, because she's not a labrador and can't be expected to behave like one. Second because, CGT is right....us flirts do it for a reason. Telling us to stop stone cold dead is like telling us to give up food. We can cut back, but if we stop altogether...we feel like something's missing.

And that's just half the talking that's gonna have to happen.

She's gonna have to have a go. If there's a reason, a frustration, a need that's not being met....she deserves a chance to express it. There may not be, or she may not be ready to talk about it. But she deserves every chance. I don't know if, in all the talking you're doing, you've asked her if she's ok. Guilt can be unpleasant. Fear that something's broken between you can be heart stopping. All of that can get in the way of her telling you anything she might need to.

But I think that until you've seen the light at the end of the tunnel, you're not done talking. However much you might each just want the thing to go away.

Oh, and can I add I think you may have been right not to go bursting into the garage? I mean, it would have been the right answer for a lot of guys. And if you were the sort who felt capable of defusing the situation with no hard feelings on any side, it would have been good to do it. But if you're not....then there were a lot of wrong answers on the other side of that door. In future though, if something's going on that's got the potential to mess with your head this much...remember there are other options than leaving it be and breaking it up yourself. I've been sent to "find X and ask where the Corkscrew is" before when it needed to be done....send someone to find your wife and ask where the formula/babyfood/diapers are. Might help. Just a random tought.

G