Talk and talk and talk some more! Let her know how you feel and why you feel that way. Some people are more open to that kind of behaviour than others but your wife should be more than aware of your comfort levels after 11+ years and she should respect those. So far it doesn't sound as though you have asked for anything unreasonable or out of the ordinary, just a little respect and common courtesy. I personally don't buy the "I was drunk" excuse either, I've been more than shit-faced on more than one occasion and have never lost my senses enough to lose that much control. You need to find out what drove her actions that night and what you can do to fix it. I wish you both luck! 11+ years are too much to throw away! And by the way, that guy sure as hell lost his friend status!