Oh man....I've never been divorced, but I was at ground zero for several other very ugly ones. I have to echo everything Lou said about the kids.....they're gonna suffer through this. Your job right now is to minimize it, you can't emilinate it. Just remember that they love you both, they can't help it. They also see themselves in both of you....anything negative you say about their mom, they'll hear as a criticism of themselves. You can't help or control what she does, let that go. If they bring it to you, just remidn them that she's hurting too...and sometimes folks say things when they're hurting that they wouldn't under other circumstances. Be the grownup...it sucks, but it has to be done.

Also, make sure they know that it's OK for them to love you both. That they're not betraying you by loving her, or vice versa.

In the end, I've always believed that having two happy parents in different houses is infinately better for the kids than two miserable parents in the same one.

But I kinda know that's not the part you wanted to hear. Because to be good for your kids, you gotta figure out how to be good for yourself. And that's even harder. I distinctly remember phoning home from college to tell my dad that some days he just had to keep breathing. On the bad days, just get through the day however you can. Ask your friends for help, cry when you need to. On the good days, smile when you can, laugh when you're ready. In time, the good days will outnumber the bad ones. With enough time, the bad days will just be a thing that happened. But time is the only way to get there.

Time, and letting go, I guess I should say. The part my Dad never figured out was how to let the past go. Whatever it was, good things and bad things, is gone. That's the part you have to grieve. But to get out of the limbo I imagine you're in, you have to build a new life. And the more you manage to focus on that (when and only when you're ready), the more control you'll have over what that new life is going to be like.

But it's ok if you're not there yet. Stick with just getting through more days, and getting hugs from friends if that's what you need right now. And on the days you can't believe there's going to be an end...have faith in your friends, let them know it for you.

All my best,

G