((little lass))

I understand where you are coming from. My early sexual history mirrors yours and although I don't typically discuss it, something in your plea spoke to me. Because my first sexual experience was date rape I find it disturbing if I stop and think about my non-consent fantasies. Especially when the original incident was so degrading and made such a profound impact on my early sexuality. Here is my theory...and everyone here knows I am full of shit so take it for what it's worth....

Non-consent and pain type fantasies are something you can have control of. It allows you to play with and assimilate something traumatic and make it part of your current sexual make up. It helps restore a sense of control to an aspect of your life, where at one point you were not in control. Did that make any sense? Having those thoughts but still being safe and in control may arouse you and I think that when you relax and allow yourself to just feel whatever it is you feel then you will begin to accept and truly recover.

I have learned that I can enjoy giving and receiving pain or pleasure during sex but I get to make those choices and that makes it feel safe and good. I hope that once you come to grips with and accept whatever your sexuality entails you will feel freed from your early traumatic experiences and begin to enjoy all the pleasure that is available. I would add one more thing.....when you find a lover who is entirely safe, who you can trust with your body and soul, you will probably be more comfortable exploring various aspects of sex play and fantasies.

If even once you are in a safe sexual realtionship you still continue to only be aroused by pain and it continues to trouble you then therapy might be necessary in order to avoid the destruction of good relationships.

To me the problem is not that you like the idea of a little pain with your pleasure. The problem is that you can't accept that as part of who you are and just allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
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