Clearly, I have some work to do.

You have DRUNK 5.28125 gallons and 44.074164875 lbs. of Jizz, Congrats!
If you lined up your ejaculations in 1 inch pools end to end it would stretch 37.555555555556 yards.
You have killed approximately 243,360,000,000 little swimmers.
You have killed 1352 kittens.

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney