wyldchyld,

No, you are not a freak. It can be easier sometimes to confess things in a forum such as this where you know the people but not in a face-to-face personal way.

That being said, given the problems you are describing, you really need to see a professional. If they are ethical they should be able to tell you whether or not you really need their services. If you do, it will help you, if you don't it will be validation for you that you are normal (or as normal as any of us are ).