I am a person who suffered untreated depression from 14 years old till, 30. I was physically and mentally abused as a child from about 8 years old and was gang raped at 16. I never had a real girl friend till 30.

I did not have half as bad an attitude as you do. The first thing to do is to stop going over the I am not good enough stuff and this I am going to kill myself stuff. OK you kill yourself, what will it achieve. It will hurt your parents family and friends IMMEASURABLY.

Now if you are truly depressed, go to a shrink and get medication to help you through the low.

Who said you have to make pizza forever? You have been looking for only 6 months. it took me a year to find a job after I was sick and it was not in medical engineering where I hold higher qualifications than you would. I work as an estimator and purchasing officer and am pleased to do it.

if you show such negative aspects to people then you are beaten before you start.

there are support groups to help people like you, start looking, talk frankly to your parents, more likely they are fed up with your negativity.

The world is a tough place, you get nothing for nothing, so start to use your brain instead of taking the easy way out before it even starts getting tough