Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar.
>A guy walks in and asks the barman: "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
>The barman says: "Yep, thats them."
>So the guy walks over and says: "Hello, what are u guys doing?"
>And Bush says: "We're planning world war 3."
>And the guy says: "Really? What's going to happen?"
>And Bush says: "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."
>And the guy exclaims: "A bicycle repairman?!!!"
>So, Bush turns to Powell and says: "See? I told you no-one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!"

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One Sardar was enjoying the sun at the beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?" Sardar answered, " No, I am Banta Singh."

Another guy came and asked him the same question. Sardar answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!"

Third one came and asked him the same question again. Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw another Sardar soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."

The Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and your are here ?!"



************************************************** *******

Wedding Night
On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive virgin
bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great
anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new
Christian husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make
love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."

Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most
ridiculous thing I have ever heard! To whom did you lend
it, and for how long?"

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New Shoes
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that
she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could
satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and
out of all these short term relationships.

"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment
from the outside?" she asked earnestly.

"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet" counseled
the therapist.

So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the
streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an
unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her
eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him,
and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of
abandon.

When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already
gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note
that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out
and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You're the First
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her
doctor and says," Doc, I'm getting married this weekend
and my fiancée thinks I'm a virgin. Is their anything you
can do to help me?"

The doctor says" Medically, no, but here's something you
can try. On the wedding nite, when your getting ready for
bed, take an elastic band and slide it up to your upper
thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic
band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby to be will
fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire
to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in
the bathroom, slips the elastic up her leg, finishes
preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things
begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in" and she
snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks " what was that?"

The wife explains," oh nothing honey, that was just my
virginity snapping." The husband cries out " WELL SNAP
IT AGAIN, IT'S GOT MY BALLS!!!"

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Oops
A man returned home from the night shift and went straight
up to the bedroom and found his wife with the sheet pulled
over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny
husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make
love to her.

Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat,
he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife
pouring coffee.

"How'd you get down her so fast?" he asked. "We were just
making love!"

"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there!
She came over early and had complained of having a headache.
I told her to lie down for awhile."

Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I
can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?"

The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk
for fifteen years and I wasn't about to start now!"
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Quickie
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off
a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old
son in the apartment was to send him out on the
balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood
activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents
put their plan into operation. "There's a car being
towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance
just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the
Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding
a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and
Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the
startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on
the balcony too," his son replied

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Doctor, Doctor.....
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The
doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism
went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed
the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her,
"Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or
dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said the
doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know
what I'm doing now?" he asked.

"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or
breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual
intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm
doing now?"

"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I
came here in the first place."


**********************888
After the Lovin'
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind.
After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed.
So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not
yet ready to slumber.

The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm
lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses her room to
the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on
her face.

The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did
my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey- wosey?" The
woman gets up and enters the man's bed.

The two have passionate sex and afterwards the women rolls out.
As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot
on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his
shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."



************************
Getting Even
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman
sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his
courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively.
"Um, Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs,
"No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the
guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks
back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks
over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says,
"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate
student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond
to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do
you mean $200?"

##################################

Bragging Rights
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to a Texan
on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men
began discussing their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the
Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious
crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the
Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful
omelet and told me she could never love another man."

When the Texan remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,
"And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

"Once," he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did
she say to you this morning?"

"Don't stop."


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