No one can EVER predict the future of a relationship! It's a lot of hard work to make a marriage. There are good times and there are bad times....as with any other kind of relationship! No one EVER said it was easy. We, as individuals, have our own way of doing things.....and we can't expect that everyone in our lives will do and act and feel exactly the same way in everything we do! Versitility in a relationship is actually a good thing. Different hobbies and likes make for better conversations......and not the same ole ho-hum itty bitty chats. For example in my case....Mr. Lixy likes racing and motors and is very mechanically inclined........I don't know much about any of it......but we sometimes talk about engines and mechanical things and the science of speed.....and I learn stuff I never thought I would want to know! He knows nothing about sewing.....but because of his mechanical ability, I actually have him taking my machines apart for me and learning their schematics and therefore he'll be my mechanic should a machine ever break down. But....there are things that are "his" and and things that are "mine"...and that's ok too! We don't have to do everything together!
Everything said above is so true and I highly doubt you'd get any different advice from a therapist. He/she'd just make you delve deeper and charge more!
I'm not saying to not seek professional help.....but therapy could last longer than most marriages! Maybe just a few sessions where you request an ideal way to communicate your feelings in a better way than you two have been able to do, would be in order. There are techniques to a beneficial argument.....so as not to offend or hurt the other....but to make your point understood and to compromise and work things out! You don't seem to be able to find that specific way of getting your points across....and resentment IS building up. Resentment never shows itself in it's true form....but comes out in other places in a relationship....such as the bedroom....or in seemingly inconsequential arguments (bickering).
Sounds to me like a typical case of cold feet. You doubt yourself in one sentence and then clear it all up in the next reply! Don't think you are the only one who has ever had these doubts! It's a scary thing to make a lifetime commitment to a car...let alone another human being! And.....that is TOTALLY understandable! That you recognize/relate these feelings is a terrific step towards making a better way. You, now, just have to direct them to those in your life whom they will affect!
Cobalt had a great idea....but didn't include your fiancee' in the equation......which could make it seem like a one sided attack if you came at her with a list. So....why not ask her if she'd like to help put to rest each of your doubts? Make a list of things to talk about and set aside a time to do so. Make a rule that this list will not be an attack on the other.......but instead a list of concerns and places in the relationship where improvement could be worked on. Tell her that all doors are open to discussion and not to hold back for fear of retaliation. Pick who will go first......state a case.....and see if that concern was included on the others list. Discuss it openly....not with accusation....(ie: "YOU make me feel".....etc........but instead........."I sometimes feel as though we aren't living up to each others potential or expectations in our sex life".....or whatever......etc., "Can we talk about ways that each of us can improve or vary/change to make things better for both of us"? If you make it about how you feel....and not how she makes you feel....you won't have hurt her with accusations that she may not be able to explain her reaction to!
Does that make sense? Usually.....arguments escalate to fights and hurt because one or the other is backed into a corner with accusations that they did something they weren't even aware they did! People don't make you feel a certain way....YOU feel that way by an action or nonaction....and you have to take responsibility for your own feelings! One either lets an action or nonaction bother them.....or they don't. Some people take things differently than it was meant......misconception enters.....resentment builds.......and communication breaks down.
It's NOT simple.........it's hard work to make a life with another human being......for better or worse....till death you do part......it's all there and it's all worth it!
I've one really serious question......and I might already know the answer....but I better not assume. Why are you getting married when you already consider yourself married and are of common-law status (ie: in my state it's considered a common law marriage if you have resided with S/O for 8 years or more and shared all duties as husband and wife....such as bills...etc.)? Did you know.....that if you are indeed recognized as a common law couple.....and you do break up.......you may have to get an legal divorce? Better look up the law that pertains to your state! And.....did you know that if you are legally a common law couple already....you can take advantage of all the perks that come with a literal marriage.......like taxes....etc.? But....I asked why the legal marriage because I figure it's because of your moral and religious background and because you plan to have children.......but there I go assuming again.
Best wishes hun!
*hugs*