My sister is asthmatic. Last week in the middle of an attack she got an obscene phone call. He said, "Did I call you or did you call me?"

Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Why don't debutantes go to orgies?
There'd be too many thank you notes to write.

There's no business like show business, but there's no job like a blowjob.

What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?
Two Mennonite!

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught fire.

Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don't need a partner.

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs, only one's coming and one's going!

How are airplanes and women alike?
They both have cockpits.

What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.

What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
Gladiator!

Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
Sperm is handmade.

If Eve wore a fig leaf, what did Adam wear?
A hole in it.

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
He decided to stick it out for one more year!

What did the banana say to the vibrator?
What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat me!

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One ... Men will screw anything.

What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
About three inches.

What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
Sticks it in Olive Oyl.

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Nubian