I don't have children Blue.........and yet I can see the forrest better at times than my sister's can (they can't see the forrest for the trees) ........so they often come to me for tidbits of advice.

It's so hard to watch them at times like you describe. They think it's "all their fault" that the kids are acting like shit heads! In all actuality........it happens to each and every one of us as we are growing up. Some in worse ways than others......but rebellion is the worst part of raising a child. Kids think they know EVERYTHING....and adults are just nuisances put here to drive them crazy. It doesn't matter how angelic they were when they were younger......and you thought they could never be like so-and-so's daughter/son.........because sooner or later (approx. around the age of 13, give or take a few) they become aware of the insider fact that they are all knowing. They don't need adult supervision or advice or our wisdom of "when I was your age" (you've seen the eyes roll on that one)....because they are NOT us! We have NO IDEA how they feel and how they should handle a difficult situation, because no matter the fact that we've experienced the exact same instance..........we are too old to know how they could be feeling or how it will all work out if they followed our advice instead of making similar mistakes that we have already learned from. It's their mistakes and by all that they stand for, they are gonna make um if they want to!

DUH!!!!!! But no matter how you try......seems the harder you try.....the more resistance you are going to get. Best way I've seen to handle this fact.......reverse psycology. It's hardest on the parent........but it sometimes brings about a faster, more positive result than banging heads and demanding your way be best. Let them make the mistakes you know won't permenantly harm them! As a matter of fact......make them make the mistakes that will cause very little trouble for you! Give them your blessing to spend their last dollar on what seems to be the junkiest "have to have" object you've ever seen. Tell them you'd never buy it but then that's just you and that they might know better in this instance.......then sit back and watch as it all becomes clear that they've made a major mistake (in their eyes). ! If they don't have a job and no money.....flaunt yours! Show them things your saving to buy......things you know they'd like but could never afford.......and go buy something you know they'd die to have themselves. Never let them use it but let them see it often! Make sure they know how hard you worked for the item.....but that the work was part of the reward of being able to afford such a luxury.

Harmful things are a different story and you'll still have to bang heads on them.........but for the things that aren't a danger........try and let go and let them make the mistakes you know will surely follow. Believe it or not.....they do grow out of it eventually.........and some even come to their parents later in years and say how wonderful the parent was and how stupid they had been not to listen in the first place.

My baby sister's youngest son is 13+ now and she swears he was kidnapped by aliens and replaced with this demonic kid! On the other hand......her oldest son is 22+ now and has done such a turn-around she can hardly believe he's hers and that they made it through it all! He was so bad we thought he would be in prison at this time in his life. Instead......he's actually come to her and cried and apologized for hurting her all those years. He has a son of his own now and he's scared his son might be just like he was....in time. Little does he know what he's in for!

Just know this Blue..........you are by no means alone on this subject....and it's not all your fault! In the end.....you'll look back at the suffering part and hardly believe it happened.......because in the end.......your child will be an adult.....and he'll/she'll be OK!

My thoughts and best wishes to you...that this will not go on for too much longer!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~