I really want to say that I am totally unqualified to offer an opinion other than that I am a guy who has been married for a similar length of time as you.
Looking at tantric sex has been great for me and I would have a look at
www.thesexacademy.com
have a good look at - to read - how to - erotic massage - male
This may help to refocus sexual energy.
Good Luck!
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