I am sorry to hear that, no wonder your emotions are in overdrive. Other poeples experiences can be a guide to follow but you still have to walk the path for yourself. Think about what I said in seeking counseling. It changed my life.

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Mind what poeple do not only what they say, for deeds will betray a lie.
Terry Goodkind, Wizzards Fifth Rule

There are two things a real man likes--danger and play;and he likes woman because she is the most dangerous of playthings.
Nietzsche


Monogamy does not have to mean Monotony