1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps.
They had pictures of
lawyers on them, and people were having trouble
figuring out which side to
spit on.

2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying
a future lawyer? She
has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one
side, and then he lies
on the other.

4. How many lawyer jokes are there? One.....The rest
are true stories.
5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light
bulb? How many can you
afford?

6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light
bulb? Three, one to
climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the
ladder company.

7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning,
and you could save only
one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.

9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.

10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.

11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your
honor.

12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His
partners.

13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His
personality.

14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some
things even a pig won't do.

15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a
vulture? The lawyer gets
frequent flyer miles.

16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a
vulture? Removable wing
tips.

17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the
country while New
Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got
first choice.

18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with
a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton