It's been known for years that sex is good exercise,
but until recently nobody had made a scientific study
of the caloric expenditure of different sexual
activities. Now, for the first time in the Western
World, here are the true caloric benefits of
sex.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With consent....................................... 12 Calories
Without consent................................... 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands..................................... 8 Calories
With one hand...................................... 12 Calories
With your teeth.................................... 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection.................................... 6 Calories
Without an erection............................... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris......................... 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.......................... 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary........................................ . 12Calories
69 lying down...................................... 78Calories
69 standing up.................................... 112Calories
Wheelbarrow....................................... 216Calories
Doggy Style....................................... 326Calories
Italian chandelier................................ 912Calories

ORGASM:
Real.............................................. 112Calories
False............................................. 315Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging............................... 18Calories
Getting up immediately............................. 36Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately..... 816Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old.................................... 36Calories
30-39 years........................................ 80Calories
40-49 years....................................... 124Calories
50-59 years....................................... 972Calories
60-69 years...................................... 2916Calories
70 and over.............................................. .Death

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly............................................ .. 32 Calories
In a hurry..........................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door..............1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door...............3521 Calories