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**MEN'S MERIT / DEMERIT GUIDE**
>
> For thousands of years, men have tried to understand
> the Rules when
> dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit
> guide will help you to
> understand just how it works.
>
> Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule
> applies: Make the
> woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get
> points. Do something
> she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get
> any points for doing
> something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the
> game is played.
>
> Here is a guide to the points system:
>
> SIMPLE DUTIES
>
> You make the bed.....+1
> You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
> pillows......0
> You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
> You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
> You replace the toilet paper roll when it is
> empty......0
> When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to
> Kleenex.....-1
> When the Kleenex runs out you use the next
> bathroom.....-2
> You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with
> wings......+5
> In the snow .....+8
> But return with beer.....-5
> And no liners.....-25
>
>
> You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
> You check out a suspicious noise and it is
> nothing.....0
>
> You check out a suspicious noise and it is
> something.....+5
>
> You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
>
> It's her cat.....-40
>
>
> AT THE PARTY
>
> You stay by her side the entire party.....0
> You stay by her side for a while, then leave to
> chat with a College drinking buddy.....-2
>
> Named Tiffany.....-4
> Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
> With breast implants.....-18
>
>
>
> HER BIRTHDAY
>
> You remember her birthday.....0
> You buy a card and flowers.....0
> You take her out to dinner.....0
> You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports
> bar.....+1
> Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
> And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
> It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and
> your face is painted
> the colors of your favorite team.....-10
>
>
> A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
>
> Go with a pal.....0
> The pal is happily married.....+1
> The pal is single.....-7
> He drives a Ferrari.....-10
> With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15
>
>
> A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
>
> You take her to a movie.....+2
> You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
> You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
> You take her to a movie you like.....-2
> It's called Death Cop III.....-3
> Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
> You lied and said it was a foreign film about
> orphans.....-15
>
>
> YOUR PHYSIQUE
>
> You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
> You develop a noticeable pot belly &exercise to get
> rid of it.....+10
> You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to
> loose jeans and baggy
> Hawaiian shirts.....-30
> You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one
> too.".....-800
>
>
>
> THE BIG QUESTION
>
> She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
> You hesitate in responding.....-10
> You reply, "Where?".....-35
> You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100
> Any other response.....-20
>
>
>
> COMMUNICATION
>
> When she wants to talk about a problem:
> You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
> You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
> You relate to her problem and share a similar
> experience......+50
> You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear
> her saying "well,
> what do you think I should do?".....-100
>
> You have fallen asleep.....-200
>
> IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
>
> You talk.....-100
> You don't talk.....-150
> You spend time with her......-200
> You don't spend time with her.....-500
> You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000
>
> GAME OVER - YOU LOSE !!!