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Depends on what you mean by "gag gift," LS. I don't think I'd be pushing the boundaries of reality by suggesting that giving any woman a gift of lingerie as a "joke" would not go over very well. People who are uncomfortable about sex aren't going to be amused, nor is a woman going to appreciate the idea that her donning sexy undies is somehow funny.
These are the wages of puritanism, and it hurts not only the women who were brought up to believe that nice girls don't, and shouldn't, but also those who love them, and want to express that physically.
I think the key is figuring out where your entry point is with your lover; badgering ain't going to do it. For example, I'm happy to watch porn with my hubby, and have done since were were younguns and dating. We end up discussing what's on the screen as much as we ogle it, and it is there we find common ground on things we might like to try (although after all these years, our biggest complaint is that the pros aren't nearly as creative as we are), and pointing out things that don't do it for us. If she's up for that, it might be a way in. Then again, porn may be another of those things nice girls don't enjoy, according to your love. You know your partner. You need to figure out where there's some wiggle room, some openness, and figure out how you can introduce some ideas about what you want in a way that is how SHE needs to hear it. Maybe she is up for games, where you each enact out some fantasy act for 5 mins, long enough for her to really know whether she likes it or not, but there's an end to it. If your theory is correct, you might need to find some good sex-positive feminist writers who up-end all this nice girl prudery and give her an alternative viewpoint that is about her needs and desires, rather than that of the man who wants to get some in a certain way, you know?
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