I haven't been near one for 25 years. I think when I eventually do, I'll kill them from the shock of seeing my back teeth.

I had a wonderful abscess once that was big enough to stop me swallowing. In desperation, I rang the dental clinic who then told me they wouldn't do anything at all till the swelling went down, so there was no point in going. So I went to the GP who prescribed me antibiotics after I'd promised him that I was definitely, absolutely, positively going to the dentist as soon as I could.

Of course, once the swelling was gone, I threw that promise out the window.

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