I've had trouble on and off for the last couple of years, partly due to prostate issues that I now think are over because the second, proper dose of antibiotics really worked (and I thought I knew it wasn't an infection). But, now I still am not ready whenever my wife wants me to be. I think the solution is to take things slowly, never rush. That's hard to do when it's getting late and we're already tired.

What else causes this problem? Anxiety about anything (work, kids, you name it). Fatigue (long day or lots of exercise that day). Alcohol (and here I'm talking about even something as minor as that second drink of the evening that made me a little too tired on top of the other fatigue).

The performance anxiety is just the icing on the cake. It's anxiety about anxiety rather than the root cause, but it makes all the other stuff worse. Performance anxiety is not just about the immediate performance but about inadequacy long term. Yeah, 'I'm such a loser' kind of attitude. That thought doesn't exactly give me a woody. I can be dormant for days after thinking that. Fortunately, there are things I can do to come back to life, such as enjoying this web site.

Let me ask you, and other female contributors, if this would work for you. What if you're horny, but he's not getting hard? Would you consider an alternative to sex with him is sex with yourself with him there? That would take all the pressure off and probably lead to him getting heavily involved.