So right now I have my contacts, and Oh Great Gods! I can finally see without glasses on my face for the first time in 20 years.

And here is a list of things I can now do better:

1) Wear sunglasses.
2) Did you know that in addition to have blue eyes, I have white flecks in them that make them look all sparkly? I never noticed them obviously.
3) Now when I get into a fight I won't be blind.
4) I can get into a mosh pit and only worry about broken bones instead of broken bones and being stranded in Houston and blind.
5) I can go scuba diving and not feel ripped off.

That's it folks. This is actually a major accomplishment for me, and will be a huge surprise to people in real life becuase this was all a big secret. I think my brother was the only person I mentioned this to.

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Well sir that seems to be someone else's problem.