well on the bright side I got a good contract finally. help me get another too. Anyway I just don't get why I put myself through this. I mean come on she doesn't love me that way and wants to just be my friend. I need to accept that. It is just tough for me. She is the first woman to accept me for who I am and actually take interest in me. No other woman ever has done that. I am scared that no one ever will again. I mean yea she is hot and well it is tough to give her up. I joke I was spoiled with her because I am very unattractive and she is ultra hot. lol I seriously was sitting yeasterday waiting for her to get out of work at the mall and I honestly didn't even notice any women there. I was just in a zombie like state like I always am. lol my friend frank said a woman needs to strip down infront of me and wave those sticks they use at the airport to direct planes to get my attention. It truly is funny too because when she noticed me yeasterday she smiled and waved and it sent such a rush through me. I was feeling depressed and it instantly made me jump for joy. I just want her to be happy.