Happy birthday,
Happy birthday.
Doom and gloom and dark desapir,
People dying everywhere.
On your birthday,
happy birthday.

(For those of you not familiar with the "Birthday Dirge", it's sung to the tune of "The Song of the Volga Boatmen", and goes on for innumerable verses. I'll spare you the rest. Those of you familiar with it may post more if you like).

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.