Well I just talked to her. She's doing good and is happy where she's at. I was hoping to hear that things were going horrible and that she was about to leave the guy she's with but no such luck. About the only thing that isn't going well with her is her financial situation. She's totally strapped for cash and she actually asked for help in paying for finalizing the divorce. I'm totally bummed out! I mean, I'm happy that she's happy but at the same time, I'm miserable. We're friends which is a lot better the enemy's that we started out as. I really don't know how to handle this. I told her that I was scared of hurting her and that I was a total ass just to drive her away. I don't know if I'd ever told her that but she wasn't suprised. I just wish that I had one more chance. One more chance to hold her, one more chance to kiss her, one more chance to fall asleep with her in my arms, just one more chance. But it's never going to happen. I know that and I truely am glad that she's happy. Some might say that feeling that way means I'm over her. To me, it just means that I still love her. I miss her so damn much, even as pathetic as that is, I miss her. I can smoke all the cigarettes in the world and it's not gonna change the fact that she's gone and not coming back. Do any of you have any idea how much it hurts to know that you've lost the love of your life and you're never going to get them back? Tonight, I'm praying for the strength to get over her. But how do you get over the woman you were meant to be with. That's what she was, the woman I was meant to be with. But *I* fucked that up and now she's never coming back. I just miss her so damn much! I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get over her. I doubt it. Anyway, to all those that are reading this, if you're the praying type, pray that I get over her soon. For those of you that are reading this and who are not the praying type, thanks for reading. It helps a little getting all this off my chest but not as much as I had hoped. I guess I'm done complaining for now. Thanks again.

__________________
words I live by;

POW/MIAs - No Will Never Be Forgotten

Karma can be a bitch, so don't make her mad!

Politeness counts.

The definition of a gentleman/lady is someone who does all the he/she can do to make the people around them as happy and comfortable as possible

Life's a bitch but it's all gotta be for something. If you keep faith in that, everything will be okay.

Every once in a great while, you just gotta kick a little ass!