You know, I was thinking ... maybe I should try my hand at some PA Dutch in making this request ...

How about:

"It wonders me if you better would by rutsching around until became you slippy. Then, schmutz you and scheck you I would want to and redd-up with Kleenex."

Was that pretty close for a mid-westerner??





Translation for those who haven't researched this form of communication: "
I wonder if you'd better do that by wiggling around until you became slippery. Then I would want to kiss you and lick you and clean up with Kleenex."