I understand all to well.

Actually I know for a fact that I am not alone. Both of my parents have suffered from chronic depression. My mother much more so than my father. Basically, everything I am dealing with now, my mom has dealt with all her life. You see, my parents never knew how to be happy, I never had any childhood friends to hang out with, I was just never exposed to the feeling of being happy.

I have a feeling that you think that I'm handling this much worse than I actually am. I've dealt with this for the majority of my life and I'm starting to get the hang of it. I know that I am not alone and I know that I will never be "cured." I used to look at the fact that I have to take a pill everyday as a weakness. I've learned differently, it's neither good nor bad, it simply is and I have accepted that.

My mind could and never has been any more open. I'm starting to accept things for the way they are instead of focusing all my energy on living my life like those problems don't exist. I'm starting to realize also that it's better to focus more energy on just living life instead of analying everything about life.

Now, getting back to the subject at hand. I used to think 'if i couldn't keep laura, what chance do I have of keeping anyone' not anymore. We were both immature in the sense that we were both unwilling to admit the obvious. We weren't a good match and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm trying to focus my efforts on finding things that me and any future partner can do together, not so much what i can do for them or vice versa. One person, no matter how hard they try can make a relationship work. It's gotta take two.

As far as finding that person, ::throws hands up in air and shakes head::, I'm sure there's SOMEONE out there for me. I sure ain't hiding from him/her but I need to sort out my own stuff before I find someone to be with. If I find them along the way then all the better.

I don't know how or why but all my life, deep down inside, I've always known things will work out the way they're supposed to. That's not always the easiest way but it is the best. I've known that all my life and I've never doubted it. That faith has got to be in me for a good reason so I trust it and myself when I say, It'll all work out alright.



Thanks everyone for all your support. I hope I'm not the only pixie who feels that this is a little family of our own and that we can talk about anything on here. Thanks again, I really appreciate it.