I never forged either of my parent's signatures, but I forged my ex's more than once.

Even though I never forged my parent's signatures, I did lots of other things that they never found out about. Maybe it's because I look(ed) like a librarian, but I never got caught

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Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~