By telling her that you had this woman willing to join you two this is what you just told her:

"There is this chick I wouldn't mind fucking. We talk about sex quite frequently. Hell it might even be fun if you were involved too"

Basically what I'm saying is that it's probably important to her that you let her initiate the who and when to the situation. It's quite obvious you're talking to this girl about your sex life than you are to your wife otherwise your wife wouldn't have grown cold to the idea and the girl wouldn't be so keen to it. I smell lack of communication which will burn down that bridge faster than you can blink.

Basically, you may as well hang up this particular girl now. Because I'm pretty sure you're wife isn't keen to the idea. It may be that she has decided that its fantasy talk and not something she actually wants to do. But I suspect its more that she feels intimidated by this other girl who has obviously come on to you (otherwise you wouldn't know in no uncertain times that she is interested) and by coming on to you she feels that this woman may be out for more than just a one time good time. That and there is also the idea of maybe you're TOO interested in this other woman and she may feel that she doesn't measure up.

It all boils down to, you need to talk a LOT more about the situation. You need to address any self esteem issues she may harbor even if you don't think she has any. Even if she SAYS she doesn't have any. You need to bring it up and get comfortable enough with it again before you worry about this other woman any more. You may have already burned that bridge with her now anyway.

You need to be able to talk about it and talk about it and talk about it some more and if she doesn't want to talk about it and the possibility of it becoming a reality then thats a good sign that its all fantasy talk and to drop the whole thing.

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