Gosh Lou, I don't have much useful advice other than to say I was in a situation with both my parents (they are still married) ... they went through an abusive stint where my father was the face of terror. While I knew what he was doing to my Mom was wrong, I couldn't stop loving him or give the appearance of choosing my Mom over my Dad. I removed myself the best I could - let them both know that it was their problem and I refused to be a part of it. My Mom finally sought help from a counselor and support groups - eventually my Dad joined her in the quest to make their marriage and themselves better, it helped them - but even through that, when my Mom needed a ride (she doesn't drive) I wouldn't take her - told her that she needed to learn independence from her family - to have the ability to take care of herself, rather than lean on us for everything. I often felt cold and heartless - but I really think it was better for my emotional sanity to hold tough and walk away during that time in their life. I guess in a nutshell, it's the tough love others have mentioned...

(((Lou))) I hope you find peace with your situation.