Ok i haven't read the above posts ( too long) so if this is a repeat, spank me and ignore it.

I have a problem with not giving advice, as some of you may or may not have noticed. I just pretty much think I know everything about everything and want to impart my wisdom on other people.

that being said.

You are very right to put your husband and children over your other family members. That's the way it's meant to be. My advice is tough love. Give the advice to her, then when she doesn't take it, make HER clean up her own mess. her problems are NOT your problems.

let me say that one again -
HER PROBLEMS ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEMS.

anything that she is woman enough to get her ass into she can get her ass out of.