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Well I was just told today that she has days to live, kinda what I had been expecting, it tore my mom and uncle up. I feel/felt like I was prepared... but still have random tears. I don't want to go to the hospital and watch her die, I just don't want to. I am trying to leave for the weekend cause I am getting really frustrated with my mother. I just don't feel like she is listening to me and dismisses what I say to her, and I just need to leave and deal with this on my own. I will be at the viewing and the funeral, but I will not be here when she dies, well I hope I am not, I don't want to see her sick any longer. I am sick of my mom making me stand by her and talk to her, there is nothing to say, I don't want to say she can leave, cause I don't want her to think that I don't want her here. I don't want to tell her to fight, cause I don't want her to have a horrible quality of life. I just know that when I think of her and talk to her through my head much like prayer she hears me. My mother doesn't understand that, but my grandma and I were always close, and we didn't need words to talk all the time.
I love my grandma dearly, and I am happy she will soon be relieved from pain. I just wish I was back at school to have my friends suround me, cyber hugs are great don't get me wrong... but damn do I need a real one now... and my family isn't the hugging type... thus another reason why I never want to be around them, yet another difference I have with all of them.
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