What to do?
 

Ok, my gf is extremely interested in trying a FFM 3some, I also would love to help her experience this fantasy of hers and mine. She has been with a girl once before, when she was much younger, and she loved it. She enjoys performing orally on another woman, and I would love to do it with her and watch her do it. The problem is, I've always thought that a 3some is a good way to end a good thing, and I care/love this girl deeply. We've discussed marriage in the past, and my thing (being formerly married) is if I get married again, I want it to last. I think that this girl is the love of my life, and I'm scared of....idk what. Partly I'm scared I guess that she will forget that I'm there, or that afterwords she will enjoy it SO much that sex with only me will simply not be enough. Or that it will somehow taint the way that we look at each other since we will have technically "cheated" in front of each other. For myself and her when we've discussed it, I only have a few rules, and they are: #1. Neither I nor she cums with the 3rd party. #2. No kissing between she and I with the 3rd party. #3. We should do this with a non-friend. Her best friend (the girl she was with before) would do this anytime, we are both quite sure, what do we do? As of now, we have decided to leave it in the realm of fantasy and dirty talk during our lovemaking, but we do both think about it quite alot. I've told her that if she marries me I dont want her to look back after our 50th wedding annv. and have ANY regrets. And if we DONT do this, will this BE a regret? BAH! HELP!

Well if it were me I'd do the best friend and let the lips fall where they may. If you're considering marriage you want to know if this kind of thing is going to sway her ahead of the vows aren't you? Hell you're in a situation a lot of guys would love to be in... relax and go for it. If she develops a preferrence for female action, believe me before you go any further is when you need to know.

I'd tell her about your concerns, and let her deecide. If she still really wants to give it a try, you need to decide if you are OK with that. I think BigBear is right -- you may need to know if she prefers women to you. Bad thing to find out after you've bought a home and have kids together.

Why would you bother trying to have an experience with another person when as is obvious by the rules you have you don't want anyone to enjoy it? Doesn't look like you're ready. If your feelings change great but to me it's pretty clear with rules like no cumming, no kissing, that you would be tolerating at best. I suggest you work on your relationship first before adding anyone else into the mix. And remember fear is not based in love.

Hm, with all of that, it really sounds like it might be a bad idea. The whole basis for relationships in general should be turst, and even more so if people are going to involve other parties in their relationships.

I will acknowledge that I could easily be wrong, but from what I'm reading, you and your S/O just haven't reached the point of trusting each other yet. And honestly, you might not. Or you may. I'm really trying not to pass judgement on what your relationship is like. I am trying to answer you question with the best advice I can give.

And that's the idea that if you want to do X, then you need to realize that Y & Z go with it.


Oh, and a completely different thing:

(welcoming head bobs to another lizard)

Setting up an encounter with restrictions prohibiting something as natural and primal as climaxing when oral is allowed seems like it's doomed from the start. That's one rule that's bound to be broken. Rules go out the window in the heat of the moment. I don't know about you but once I get my tongue on a fragrant and quivering hoo hoo...well, the only time I've been stopped prior to orgasm was because she wanted intercourse. Sometimes not even then. :hot:

My opinion? Think about what group sex is all about, and how it impacts everyone involved. If and when that impact is understood and acceptable, proceed with realistic expectations. Orgasm should be one of them because it's gonna happen...like it or not. :D

I don't think you're ready for this yet - I can relate (my fiance and I are in a similar situation.) I'm not sure we ever will be ready, but if we're not, then it's not something we'll ever do. Simple as that.

Good advice above. It really doesn't sound like you're ready for it and your rules make this a non-starter.

you're not ready....skip it or wait until you are.

Honestly, it's a wonderful fantasy...but if you really think no cumming and no kissing is gonna have ANY impact on any possible jealousy factor, you've got the wrong end of this. The point of a threesom is to have fun. If the rules boil down to "don't have toooo much fun," then I think it's better that you get the full fantasy potential out of it and re-evaluate after a while. It's doesn't have to be the relationship ending experience you're worried about, but it can strain a relationship if folks aren't ready or right for it.

As far as regrets go, well....you can't do everything you've ever thought you might want to. And missing out on a lifelong love is, to my mind, a much bigger loss than a threesom you weren't all that sure about.

As a random thought, you might try chatting together with a girl online....provided you don't consider cybering cheating....see if that changes your mind about it one way or the other.

Perhaps as many have said that perhaps it is better to wait...till you are ready.

But if you are sincerely wishing to make it to your 50th--there will be a lot of situations and things happen in your marriage that would be equally and more so trying.

Perhaps placing a 3some in some sort of perspective balanced against life with all its wonderful special bliss, tradgic turn of events, and just your every day happenings, you can findout just how important or even unimportant this will be in your lives. The main issue is trust, if you can not trust yourself--or her at this stage, well.....then what?

Wise folks hereabouts. I'd listen to them.

What a great bunch you all are.

Hello babe, here I am again long time no see...

Since I have talked to you before about this girl I know excatly how u feel for her, because i see your eyes light up when u talk about her, listen babe, everyone has had mostly the same opinion and here I go spoiling it for everyone, I know u long enought to tell u this, u love this girl and she loves u, trust your relationship, for what u have told me so far, it's a great one, and u both do trust each other, yes it's a fantasy of u both, and I don't personally see anything wrong with it aside from your rules, ok u know she loves it with her best friend, ok than go for the best friend and not a stranger, at least u know that there isn't any thing "wrong" with that I mean deseases, and u know she will love it, as a girl speaking I personally know how important it is to me having someone show me that they would move heaven and hearth to please me and make my fantasies come true if possible. Honey I know you are scared of loosing her because of your ex, but stop thinking that everything will go wrong if this happens because it won't, the problem here is not the trust between the 2 of you, it's the insecurity in yourself, your scared because u don't want to loose her thats understandable, and one thing is right about this if she didn't love you she would have kept up the fun with the best friend don't u think?
So to finalise it, just forget about your rules, and go for it, but with her and the best friend not a stranger...enjoy it...

Remember this, at the end it will be you she will be going to bed with...and kissing good night...

Kisses
OE