Rules for dating daddy's little girl
 

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

^This is me in about 4 years^

Well, except for the thing about the pot-belly (I hope)

lmao GREAT cant wait for jeepin to see

nikki

Those are an absolute riot, Englishlush.....I'm gonna send them home. I know some folks who'd definately recognize the attitude. ;)

I've seen this one loads before, and it has never lost it's appeal. My hubby has one thing to add to it:

He expects to proudly display all his martial arts belts over the entrance way, along with a collection of rare, yet sharp and painful looking, swords, daggers, katana's, and scimitars. He plans to be polishing one when ever a guy comes over. ;)

Rae is 8, so we have a few years yet, but none the less... we are drilling her early. ;)

The phrase I remember, Dad pointed to a random guy in the grocery store with a shirt held together by safety pins and eyeshadow....and in his big booming voice announced "bring home one like that, and I'll drop it on the doorstep." So much for my options in that tiny little town.

-chuckles-

My first real 'date' was my freshmen year homecoming, with a guy who was a junior. My aunt is the family photographer- she has a camera glued to her hand, I swear.

Anyway, so she comes over to my dad's house while I'm ready and waiting for him, and she brings my 9 year old half brother with her. On the way, she coached him nicely.

My dad is rather shy, and was pretty much beet red through the whole introduction, until we got to Kenny, my brother. He promptly stood up, looked the guy in the eye, and asked, "So, what exactly are your intentions with my sister?"

My dad lost it, I must have been the shade of a turnip, and my date's mouth was hanging on the floor.

Great start to my dating career.

Am I to understand some of you think these are funny? I have a 15 yr old daughter.... I'd say that's a pretty good set of guidelines. LOL
I told my daughter she could start to date at 29 only if she was well behaved. If she argues with me she has to wait till she's 39.
Honestly, she's proved I can trust her so I know it's only a matter of time till I have to bite the bullet. Of course it makes me feel pretty good that the first little guy she was gonna introduce me to disappeared after a concert one evening. She saw him the next day at school and asked where he'd gotten off to, she wanted him to meet her dad. Poor little guy said " I saw that big old guy with all that hair... I wasn't going over there!" :P

OMG BigBear57, That is hilarious! poor kid:D

BigBear- I believe I'll have a very similiar set in 6-8 years when Raegan starts going out with friends first, then dates.

Well if/when I get married, and if I have a daughter that will be me. I can be very protective of the women in my life.

A fine list of things I'd have loved to have said to my daughters'

beaux.

My ex-wife didn't want me scaring the little thugs.....too much.

Shotgun? Baikal IJ-18 12ga single barrel shotgun, but who's counting?

Nothing better than cleaning a pump action shotgun on the living room couch as they walk in. The sound when you work the action scares the livin' shit outta the little buggers!!!!!!

Hehehe

LOL BigBear and darogle!

My cousins with young girls might have written those rules!

That's so funny! I can't imagine what it's like to have such an overprotective dad! My father never knew that I was even dating someone until I brought him home...and I don't think it would have occured to him to be threatening, LOL