Child abuse & wife bashing.
 

A friend of mine who is from Texas has had a breakdown. She was abused as a child by a pastor of the family church. The family and friends didn't want to know about it. She has of late picked up with an old school sweetheart who it now seems was bringing back all these bad things from her past. She has not been able to bottle it up any longer. She has been bashed as a wife and there seems to be a pattern of abuse in her life. I am very upset and being so far away can do not much to help. One can listen, but you can not turn up and do anything in person, when your 10,000 miles away.

Catch22,

It must be very frustrating for you! Tough shot - for both of you!

Child abusers - I hate them give me 10 minutes with them in a small room with a bat.

Wife beaters - you can't call them men.

my thoughts are with you man.

Some people only understand love expressed through violence. They subconsciously seek out people that will make them feel secure with their past experiences. She needs counseling to help her to be aware of the choices the is making. Not much you can do except to not enable her making poor choices by coddling her and accepting her behavior. If someone beats you, you walk. That is the only acceptable choice...if she does not walk then you have to let her know you do not support her choice to continue to allow herself to be harmed.

She will now be having counselling. She has also reported some of the things to the authorities. I am hoping she does ok. On the down side she has been put on medication which can cause problems of its own. I am keeping an eye on her. As much as I can from over here.

Those are two very important steps... reporting it and getting counseling. Hopefully the meds will be short term. My prayers are with her that she will not go back to old ways/relationships and with you Catch22, that you will not go crazy from being too far away to be supportive in person.

The pills are going to be cut back next week. Had a chat on the phone with her and she is coping. The old/new bf has taken off, for the last time I think.

*big hugs* to her, and to anyone suffering from violence in their lives.

i wish i cud say more than ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) to u both. i think yall are doing everything u can so ive no gooid advice just a sholder if u want it

~nikki

Been there, done that, not fun! She needs professional help. She's had her self esteem taken away from her and she needs to get it back! And it's NOT gonna happen overnite! It takes a long time to undo years of doing. but please encourage her to go to a support group if she won't go see a psych. The worst thing you can do is leave a person like that alone. Get them to socialize as much as you can.

That is why you have friendly Texan pixies who don't take kindly to wife beaters.

Just send me the address and I am sure that Xantar's Stick of Understanding and my Baton of Whoop-Ass will be happy to drink blood and break bone.

(sigh) Well violence never solved anything and while it may bring a smile to my face seeing a wife beater get his due, it won't change the behavior.

In fact, as my Martial Arts instructor said often times when settling a domestic dispute he would knock out and arrest the husband only to find the woman coming at him with a kitchen knife.

It does look like your friend is taking steps in the right direction. Just make sure she never let's that bozo back into her life no matter how much he begs. I had a friend who I had a huge crush on several year ago, but she was in an abusive relationship. She actually married the abusive guy and well one night she took my advice and had him arrested. When he got out she let him in the house and he killed her.

Damn CunningLinguist!!!!! I like your way of thinkin!!!
yeah, any man who beats a woman is NOT a man!
He's a coward!;)

She was changed from some of the drugs she has been on. She was on one they have now found was causing people to kill themselves! She was in a very bad way before they changed the medication. I was on the phone to her twice to calm her.

I'm so sorry Catch22. People shouldn't have to deal with stuff like this.

About the only words of advice I can offer is to support her with advice that is healthy for her, and to take care of yourself too.

Thanks WildIrish, I haven't been so good myself of late.