Top 10 Tips
 

for Anal Play;)



10. Don't use Valvoline as a lube, unless you are going to be buttfucking at high speeds.

9. Anal fisting is difficult, anal fisting while holding maracas is VERY difficult.

8. Don't insert objects unless they are easily retrived or you don't need them much.

7. Repeated/prolonged anal play can result in a loss of sensitivity - a quick application of #120 grit sandpaper will restore it. You are oversensitive when you can sit on a Lifesaver and determine the flavor.

6. Air introduced to the rectum results in flatulence - insert a pennywhistle or duck call to turn the inevitable into entertainment.

5. Count your toys, and locate wallet and car keys before leaving the room.

4. Methane is inflammable. "Polaris Missile Launch" is NOT a safe game.

3. Do not slice vegetables prior to insertion unless you want to play "Piggy Bank".

2. Enemas with various fluids can be fun, but note that grape Koolaid will give your butthole a purple moustache. and . . .

1. "Don't put that in your mouth, you DO know where it's been!"

Top Ten Ways You Know You Might Be Too Old For BDSM:

by Screamer, LadyNapa, WickdVixen and others at NapaFest 1998.

10. Sensory deprivation is when your Dom hides your hearing aid batteries.

9. Your nipple clamps have training wheels.

8. Edge play is standing by the microwave with a pacemaker.


7. When you tell your sub to get the cane, you have to specify "walking" or "beating".

6. You can't tell the difference between your tatoos and your age spots.

5. You shout "One, two, three, CLEAR!" for electrical play.

4. Your idea of breath play is when your wheelchair runs over your oxygen hose.

3. Your idea of suspension is an UltraLift™ bra.

2. You hold the paddle and say, "You're younger than me....back into the paddle....HARD!"

And the Number One way to tell you might be too old for BDSM:

1. Age play really is 24/7.

Those were great, Lilith! I'm going to be laughing at those for ages now... The mental images those are going to leave me with... lol.

hmm those will come in very handy after all we are not getting any younger haha now pass me that cane to walk ;)

lol. Cute, Lilith

ROFLMAO first class Lilith first class

Glad you guys liked!:D