How to get myself in the mood.
 

Well, this is a lot similar to Blaze's thread, with one variation - I am the one with no drive and wondering what I can do. I can't exactly make a romantic dinner and seduce myself.

My story is similar to Blaze's. I'm married (Since July), and my wife and I used to not be able to keep off of eachother - sometimes going 3 times a day, everyday, for a week. The decline in frequency started long before we were married. It's a long story, and I'll try to give you an abridged version.

2 1/2 years ago we were on the 3x/day schedule. She was on tri-cyclen birth control (The daily kind that gives you a different dosage every week). She developed an ovarian cyst that was mis-diagnosed for about 6 weeks, and was finally corrected with a trip to the emergency room, and 3am emergency surgury. They saved the ovary, and said the tri-cyclen caused it. They switched her to some new kind of birth control and it messed with her drive. She didn't have any drive for a year and a half, long after the surgury healed and the pain went away. I got used to her never being in the mood, and my drive slowed down, too. Our frequency was around once or twice a month.

At the end of this year and a half was the wedding. We knew the pills killed her drive, so once we were married she stopped taking the pill. Her drive came back to full force, and mine increased some - we were up to about 2-3 times a week. However, my increase was only temporary. My drive slowed tremendously, and after a few months, we were back to 1-2 times a month. Since then, I lost my job (December) and am still unemployed. She will be starting law school in the fall, and I am focusing my job search on wherever she's going to attend - we still don't know yet, and it will be 3 weeks still, anothe long story).

I know there is a lot of stress in my life from my unemployment, but she has equal stress, if not more, and she still has her drive. We have sex once a month, usually, and it is unfulfilling when we do.

I sincerely apologize for the long post - I know it may be excessive but I wanted to give out the whole story. I don't know what to do, and I need some ideas.

All stress is not created equal. Her's could be considered eustress or positive stress. Where as yours may be the more bothersome. While they are both stress hers is that which comes from moving towards a goal, it's her choice to undergo this stress. Where as yours was thrust upon you. Lack of sex drive can certainly be one of the many symptoms of stress or even depression.

Maybe as your job search bears fruit you will begin to experience less negative stress albeit you will probably gain some positive. I would suggest you do things that make you feel sexy. Make the effort. You could ask your wife to try something new that you have always wanted to do. Why does the sex seem unfulfilling? Are you having erections through out the day? Do you wake up with one? Maybe try having sex at a different time? If you are experiencing not only a mental lack of desire but a physical one as well it may be time to consult a physician.

What about reading some erotica here, find one you like then ask your wife to read itout loud while you go down on her.... or vice versa:p

Lil, I'm stressed. Will you read me a story?:rolleyes:

CptMorgan...

Stress is the number 1 factor in a man's decrease in sexual drive. It is also a killer.. literately. My only advice to you is to find a way to deal with the stress... I know.. easier said than done... but you must.. not only your relationship pays the price if you don't.

First, I suggest (now that summer is around the corner), you & the wife find a way to spend quality time together outdoors.. fresh air.. and togetherness (without sexual pressure) might do you loads of good.

Second, Spend some romantic time with your wife... without stressing over whether or not sex will be the ultimate outcome... I am a big believer that there is more important things in a marriage than sex... and when all of those things are okay.. then the sex follows.

I wish you best of luck... and hugs to both of you..

Well if I may offer yet another story or part of one. I dorta discovered a little about my drive by accident. I haven't dated or anything for a good while by choice. I was having some minor difficulties (new bp meds) and really got disgusted with myself thinking I'd have to meet another lady and beg her to understand if everything didn't take off like rockets. I know most women understand but the few who take it personal make the abstaining a worthwhile consideration. I had noticed considerable decrease in my drive and just dismissed it as meds. Well I went to the Dr and asked about Welbutryn to help me ease off smoking. Guess what, those damn things made lil Fred worry me to death. LOL
Depression, nicotein and alcohol can all destroy your drive man. Those may not pertain to you but I just thought I'd offer my nickel's worth.
Oh and well as long as I'm blabbering... exercise really helps displace stress too. That may offer some help.
Good Luck Capt.

Cpt Morgan,

Poor you - all the shit falling on your head at on time. But you can't keep a good man down, so don't let it get to you. Now Spring is here, make yourself a resolution that from today on, you're going to acknowledge that it's happened, put it behind you and get on with life.

Probably a good idea to annouce it to the Mrs. and agree some goals for you (like jogging everyday, so many job applications a week, painting the front room by such and such date). Then get on and do it.

It won't take the problems away but it will make it easier for you to bear because you are doing something, one day at a time.

Also I don't care what they say about modern women, men are still expected to carry more than their share of keeping a household together, and no woman really wants a weepy wuss as their man. So cry on her shoulder one more time, then quit. You're not alone, but she's standing behind you, not in front.

So get on with life, and the sex will come along. Good luck!

I suggest you see a therapist to deal with both the depression issues and the intimacy issues as well. I suffered along with my wife when she went through post-partum and I know how devastating it is. Please get some help. It doesn't have to be as bad as it is.

Capt

Once again Jennaflower is here first!!

Basically all she says and again talk to her with what you said here, in the mood and approach of no blame, just honesty.

Try just doing nice stuff - opening car door, run her a bath, cook dinner, spend time going out to local shops, a walk in the woods - all good stress relievers - all free but so much more precious than anything else in the world - time is the key and it oftens runs away with us, do not waste time, cos it wastes you.

good luck - love will come thru I'm sure.

PS Jenna you ever posted pics?

Wildeye