denile
 

i have been seeing a therapist and he had me write
down my sexual history as therapy here is my first instalment
sharing them with some one is also part of the therapy


I had a hard time with finding who i am “no i not i can't be a fag my dick gets hard
When i look at naked women “ this became my mantra i would say it to myself all the
Time. To prove it i was out all the time fucking every woman i could. But any time some
One got close to me i would run in case they found out my secret i am turned on by guys
My friends saw a stud that could have any woman. My family saw a young man whom
Just needed to meet the right girl. From 19 until my 21st birthday i was a mess inside
But had got so good at presenting a happy face no one knew then after my birthday
He walked in to my life he was stunning .my mouth went dry leg were week but i
Had a huge hard on (flash) i pictured him naked he takes hold of my dick an starts
To rub it up and down faster and faster oh my god and i cum all over his hand an arm
(Flash) shit no my head scream in denial and left work claming illness and went out
to prove my manhood

more whe i am able to;)

Soul baring.........here for ya Axe. Sending peace of mind and faith your way~~~~~~>

Kudos Axe...

you are a wonderful man.. and a brave soul...

good on you Axe, thanks for sharing that very personal and difficult episode in your life. I hope you can overcome the problems that have created inside you by trying to be someone you are not.

I know you to be a caring person and someone I would have as a friend anytime. Your sexuality makes no difference to the person you are. It is a shame that so many in society have deep prejudices against same sex relationships.

It is great that you have pixies where people are accepting and caring. Take care my friend and happy christmas.

ditto, word for word what everyone else said.

:)

Axe31, we'll be keeping you in our thoughts. You've got a lot of courage and I've no doubt that things will come out okay!

All night i tried to get some woman in to bed every knock back in my mind was because i was a fag and they knew it. So i just got drunk
Not a good day at work i was told i looked like death warmed up
But at least my boss asked no questions .i spent all day avoiding
The offices where Danny worked (ok Danny was 6ft 2 lean blue eyes Short dark hair kissable lips and a deep sexy voice) at lunch i ran into
Danny or to be more precise we collided went down him on top of me
He jokingly said” did i have guys all ways falling for me” (flash) my
Mind goes in to melt down i scramble up and run to the toilet (duh like
He can't follow me). I burst in to tears another knock to my so called
Self-image Danny came in saying he was sorry for upsetting that he was
Not trying to chat me up it was just a joke an that just because he is gay
He doesn’t throw him self at every guy he meets. What he's gay o he
Can tell then like a dam bursting open it all came out that how i was turned on By watching guys how i try to deny it by sleeping around
With any woman i could we talked for half an hour i cannot remember
Most of the conversation but one think stays with me till this day i when
he said “it dose not matter if you are gay or not you are still your self”
thats when i fell in love with him we never got together other than as
freinds but he was there for me when i needed some one to be a guide and a light when in the dark.
p.s. i still compare guy i meet to him

alltho this hapend along time ago ten years or so it was my first
step to who iam today
than you for the support and for alowing me to unburden myself
i have been in denile resently about my happyness and altho i
am comfortable with my sexuality i have been hideing from what
i whent thru this year and only got found out by the gum clinic
therapist when i had to see him after my hiv test even when you
test as negative they like you to see there shrink who put me in
touch with my therapist

axe...

I am proud of you... I do believe that your therapist has guided you in the right direction... altho this release must be difficult for you... I believe that when you come out of the tunnel.. you will discover that you are a wonderful guy.. and that you are loved.