Another cheating question...
 

souls_cry2000 got me thinking......What constitutes cheating? My wife (of 11 years) & I separated nearly two (2) years ago, but we are NOT yet officially divorced. We do have a child together, but her mother (the "wife") & I very rarely talk to each other. If I have sex with another woman, am I cheating???

Also, if I refer to my wife (as mentioned above) as my ex-wife (even though we are not officially divorced), am I being deceitful when I am talking with other women??? If I am directly questioned, I make it clear that I am NOT officially divorced! However, during idle conversation I refer to her as my ex-wife because that is what she is to me!!! I was recently told that I am committing "Adultery" if I so much as kiss another woman before my divorce is final! Anyone else believe that???

Are you in the process of getting divorced, or are you just not together? I don't know what difference that would make but to me...it just seems a little more understandable if you were working thru the system towards being divorced.

having been in a similar situation, my divorce was finalized a little over a year ago, but we were separated for the previous 2 years, I know of what you speak. :)

The blunt answer is yes you are cheating!

Logic and common sense may dictate that you aren't, as you are separated, but by legal definition until your divorce from your wife IS FINAL, any activity you have with another woman still constitutes cheating, and yes you are comitting adultery.

Keep that last sentence in mind, when it comes to how you handle your relationship with your new woman, because if your not-yet "ex wife", and her lawyer find out about your newest woman, be aware they can and likely will drop the hammer on you for your adultery.

Legally, you're cheating.

Morally you are not as far as I'm concerned.

Couldn't of said it better myelf

Depeding on the law in your state it may not be an issue legally. In my state, marital infidelity has no bearing on divorce proceedings.

I would recommend, however, that when you are meeting someone new you should be very forthcoming with the facts about your marital status rather than waiting to be directly questioned. :2cents:

Yeah, this sounds right to me. I do agree with Aqua...be forthcoming.

The way I look at it is that if either party would consider it cheating, then that is exactly what it is.

I have had ghosts haunting my thoughts from time to time just as yours are hovering about you. It is law that says one thing. It is spirit that says something else. It is you, your heart that says the final word in the matter. That is the time when those ghosts vanish, evaporate and you are free to live for anyone you choose.

I appreciate the honest feedback, even if I don't necessarily agree with all of it, but let's turn the tables then (based on some of your feedback). If I am being deceitful by referring to her as my ex-wife, because that is what she is to me (and btw, she is already in her second relationship since our separation, and living with the guy), is it equally wrong (immoral? unethical?) for an unmarried woman who is pregnant to wear a ring to portray the image of being married in order to curtail the potential embarrasment (whether she is still with the baby's father or not)?

To me it's all about intention and motive.

Is it equally wrong for an unmarried woman who is pregnant to wear a ring to portray the image of being married? Is it immoral? yes. unethical, also yes, but do 2 wrongs make it right?

As I stated, morally correct or not, as long as divorce is not finalized, you are cheating and commiting Adultery, as is she, if I am reading your post correctly. If she is doing so as well, maybe she might not have her own lawyer come "after you" so hard because you are cheating, but personally I would not want to risk it. If I were you, I'd put my own involvement with another woman on hold till the divorce is final.

If the woman you are currently with doesn't understand WHY you can't be with her, because of your legal situation, why would you want to be with her in the first place. SHE obviously doesn't have YOUR interests in mind.

I'm not saying that because its "illegal" doesn't mean that the morality of the situation is wrong because they are two separate issues.

If you and the ex consider the marriage irrevokably dead, then it's not cheating.

If a girl wears a wedding ring to deflect crap poured on her, so be it.

I'm hearing a few too many calls to judgement for my comfort.

OF, while I understand your point, and since I am the most "frequent" poster of responses, I'll take what you are saying as a "caution sign". :)

I was in a similar situation when my own marriage ended. I was separated from my wife, and had started a relationship. I too, did not consider what I was doing either "cheating" OR "adulterous", since we were separated. My ex-wife, obviously not at the time, then found out about my relationship, and I felt that I was going to get hammered by the legal system, BECAUSE even though we were separated, it was still adultery.

I just am making these comments because I don't want to see another man get "caught with his pants down" by the legal system, when he doesn't realize he is in an adulterous relationship.

I will get down off the soap box now and leave this thread alone.

1nutworld,

This is not about the legal system, which does not of it's own accord hunt down people who are only guilty of adultery in our countries.

It's about other people using aspects of the law and moral indignation as a weapon.