Good ol' boys society
 

I was informed today, by work, that there will be cocktail and dinner party that would be politically correct for me to attend. The kicker is that I must attend with a date and I seem to be at a loss for a man to take. Being that this is Texas, I do not take this lightly. How do I do this with no man in sight? Not only do they have to look absolutely wonderful, but they have to own a suit. UGH please help!

SF

You MUST bring a date?

Send me a plane ticket...
kidding
I'd be flying overseas if I could...

Oh I just couldn't do it.....I'd just HAVE to go on my own, and if anyone questioned, I'd have to tell them that it's not necessary for me to have a man on my arm to validate me.

YOU are the one who works for the company. YOU are the person that needs to 'mingle' and make a good impression. If you take a man with you, you may judged on his merits (or lack of them) and not your own....how could you do that, if it's not a man you choose to be associated with long term?

How would you be expected to handle this if you were in a same sex relationship? How can they discriminate against single people by MAKING you take a bloke with you? You say, 'This is Texas' as though you are not entirely in agreement with this attitude, so why not challenge it? It'll always be that way if people who disagree fit in for the sake of not making trouble. If it weren't for Rosa Parks, then perhaps there'd still be racial segregation. Why not make a stand against an outdated (and frankly, to my foreigner's mind, shockingly offensive) attitude?

Have you not got a female workmate who's partner doesn't know a single suitable mate who knows the score so there will be no problems at the end of the evening.

Unless he's gorgeous of course !!!

This sounds like a movie I saw with Jennifer Aniston playing your part. She "found" a date and it was a disaster initially. Turns out honesty would have been the best policy but her friend at work thought otherwise. In the end her honesty about lacking an S/O brought her wealth and a relationship. But that is Hollywood and this is real life.

Let your heart guide you! Whatever feels right will be right!

P.S. What does Texas have to do with it?

I find this whole thing a bit odd. I've been to professional cocktail and dinner parties (while in Texas) and it was never required for me to have a male counterpart with me. I mingled amongst the people I knew and left when I was ready, on my own.

But if you must have a date, consider a friend, relative (brother, cousin....), neighbor, any male you feel comfortable enough to spend a formal evening with. Or even, another co-worker who isn't invited to attend (woops! I guess I assumed this is a work event).

/me runs to Homeland Security Office with Lone Star visa application

Black tie or white? :confused:




















OH:( You said "...they have to look absolutely wonderful..." :banghead:

The whole thing just seems odd to me, sorry.

Bring a guy friend if you really feel uncomfortable going stag.

And I hope you have a great time!

I have nothing but obvious advice so I'll be the :ahole: that suggests bribing the border patrol to let a cute one slip by. :p

I've come up with another stupid answer! :D


Bring me and the entire evening will be so uncomfortable that they'll never require it again! :p

OMG WI.......... :roflmao:

I like WI's answer, though i doubt it's true

Have you read many of my posts? I'm a bit of a goofball. lol

#1 What does being politically correct have to do with an office/work related event?

#2 Why would you be required to have a date?

#3 What does Texas have to do with anything?

#4 What are you looking for advice or a volunteer?

Lou--I completely agree with you!! However, the women that have gone without dates were made miserable at work afterwards. I am new to the state and my job and do not really want to cause issues that could be avoided. So, if I cannot get a date, I will get a migraine really damn quick!

Lixie--Oooooo.....would love for it to work out that way!!!

WI--I like the this suggestion better than the first!

Lilith--1# Everything when you work around a bunch of god complexed surgeons. 2# Not sure of the "why". Was just told that things would be better for me if I took a date. Women in the past that did not take a date....their worklife was not so enjoyable for months after that. 3# I assume it is some sort of backwoods southern thing....as I have never encountered this anywhere else. 4# Advice and/or volunteer!! ;)

It most certainly is NOT a "backwoods southern thing", coming from a "backwoods" southerner. Not everyone in the south is that way, TRUST me.

It sounds ridiculous and I dont see how your work life would be "miserable" afterwards. If someone told me that, they would regret it because if my work life WAS made miserable afterwards, I would pursue the issue legally.

You need to step up and do what YOU want to do.

Cherry-I was told that it would be better for me if I brought a date.....

Green--Thanks for the offer!!

Anything--Know any gorgeous single men in Texas or one that would be willing to fly in??? (fingers crossed)

Maddy--I have exhausted all normal avenues :(.

PF--Business Casual (meaning suit and tie). Did I say wonderful???

Osuche--Wish I had male friends here!!!

WI--Guess I will have to brush up on my Spanish! Thanks for the suggestion.

Well unless a gorgeous man happens to land in my lap in the next couple of weeks, or a Pixie man does make it to Houston....I will go by myself and damn them all to Hell and look HOT doing it!!! What if I wanted to go to it by myself in the chance of meeting a cute single surgeon?? I consider that networking LOL.

Ummm... Houston ... not so much backwoods... actually a rather large metropolis.

Oh trust me--it is backwards in a LOT of ways!

No sense in people trying to keep up with different threads on the same subject... hope the merge didn't throw things too out of whack.

Aqua--Thanks! I did not expect sooo many responses. This has gotten more responses than my post about anal toys!

Only because Aqua is still working on his custom thesis to you. :hump:

















:rofl:

PF--Ooooo Can't wait!! Do I get one from you as well??

Good for you hun!

If I were you, I'd let people know ahead of time that you're going on your own. And if someone says something about your working life being miserable for a while afterwards, I'd ask them directly:

'Is that a threat? Are you planning on harrassing me because I won't sell out to a pathetic rule that says you have to take a date? OK, I'll make sure I make my appointment with my lawyer ahead of time, shall I?'

sometimes that ^^^ is easier said than done. making waves, no matter how much you might want to, is usually not worth it. especially if you like what you do (mostly), plan on staying in your career, and working in the same office with the same people. it's not the good ol boys, or backwoods mentality or political correctness ... it's workplace politics. sometimes, you just gotta zip it and play the game. my husband has to do the same thing on occasion, and it's not a race thing, or a sex thing, or a personal thing ... it's just a work thing.

of course, as with anything, there are exceptions and times when you absolutely must stand up for what's right. but imho, being told that a date is appropriate isn't one of those times. if they had said, don't bring a date and you're fired then that'd be different. having to endure a little (what sounds to me like) good-natured ribbing for not bringing a date doesn't seem all that bad.

Hmm not so sure it is just good natured ribbing. The Administrator of the Dept really shuts people down, forgets to tell them about a meeting, fabricates projects she supposedly told them to work on etc.... I am doing all I can to find a date. So we shall see....

Shadozfire,

I agree with wyndhy. Proper judgment is better than unwarranted bravery. If you like what you do for a living, and you wish to continue to do it as you currently are, then you would be wise to consider carefully if this imposition warrants “standing up to them”.

“Them” can do you in.

Very true words jseal! Very true! I definitely do not need them doing me in!

Maybe the work culture is different over here then. To me it's just unspeakable that work could bully me into something like this - particularly by displaying the kind of behaviour you're talking about. The person in question deserves to be fired for that kind of victimising behaviour - if everyone continues to jump through hoops for the sake of this completely unprofessional administrator, then nothing will ever change.

I'm all for letting things slide if they're not important (you wouldn't believe some of the crap I've dealt with at work for the sake of being a peacemaker) but to me, this is absolutely unacceptable. I can't stand work telling me what to do in my own private life, especially if I'm threatened with my working life being made difficult, for the sake of some sick individual who's got nothing better to do than mind other people's business. It's outrageous.

Document! Document every detail and file it away while you sharpen your sword. :cool:

I agree with you 100% Lou, but sometimes politics happen when you're not looking, and unfortunately, you don't have a case to argue, there is no case because it didn't happen, if you talk about it, It's you is imagining/creating, this thing that isn't there, and it only gets worse from there... Because if yuo ever confront such a person, none of this is/can/could/would/does happen, (but in fact it can be right there between the lines), and these people are masters of that, doing but not doing... unfortunately sometimes it just happens like it or not. The wrong people sometimes know how to cause problems without it ever happening...

"you just imagined all of that, don't be so paranoid"


Well Said PF I agree


p.s. ... WildIrish ... I know you are, but I'm sure you know how to act when it is called for...

I usually reserve those precious few moments of good behavior for my own job. :p

Lou--I agree that it is unacceptable, however, it is a reality. Until we can get rid of the particular individual that holds the power, we are stuck doing as she wishes. I am not the only single woman in the department that is scrambling to find a date.

GC-She is a master at doing and saying nothing that at the same time ruins a career and/or makes a job Hell. I am oh so happy that I do not possess that skill, but would love to use it just one time on her.

WI--Good behavior and you??? Oxymoron??

I can easily understand the kind of asshole that slithers their way to power, just to enjoy the trauma they inflict on the lives of others who wish nothing more than gainful employment (& maybe a little respect)...meanwhile, follow PF's directive, and be ready to tip the scales against her when the time is right...Kharma has a way of hoisting folks on their own pitard eventually...

I know this is going to be just way out there...but how about finding an escort service? Being in Houston there should be one or two. Hey it worked out in the "Wedding Date" with Debra Messing.

Or if you have a married couple that you are good friends with. Ask her and him if you can borrow him. Strictly business no funny business. Make sure they have a real secure relationship so no fighting would take place.

Or just go on your own.

Not sure what I would do in that situation.

Scotz--Oh I am more than ready to tip the scales on her!! Karma is definitely on its way to her!

Tx-Escort service?? So funny that you said that....my dad suggested that LMAO!!! Though, I do not think he understands what all is involved with that type of service (possibly) LOL. I am at this point just going to go by myself just to piss her off. However, should a date come a long........

I really am so perplexed by this.

What in the world could be the reason for wanting everyone to be hooked up with someone? Is she testing your sexual preferences? Is she anti-gay or something? In your initial post you said he has to look good and own a suit. Does she want her pick of men to "steal"? I just don't get the significance of being in a relationship and how that enhances your work ethics and skills!!!???? And further...I don't get how parading an S/O around at a social event can make for a better workplace!!!??? Does everyone at your workplace just accept this behavior?

Maybe I'm a dumbass but I need this spelled out for me. What's the point??????