Celebrity story...
 

Ok, here's one - and if it's been done before then accept my apologies. What we have to do is each contribute a line to a story, the only rule being that all the characters in it have to be famous people - film stars, musicians, sports starts, presenters etc...

I'll start...here goes *deep breath* lol


'Robert De Niro walks to the local grocery store to buy some stuff...on the way there he....'

‘... on the way there he looks into a Love Boutique window, and thinks fondly of one special Madonna performance.’

'so much so that he decided to go in there and treat himself by buying....'

"..............a black leather corset that resembled the one she wore at the concert. He paid for the corset and headed back towards the market when he saw..........."

"Dustin Hoffman coming towards him, heading home - with the exact same corset in his shopping bag...confused and a little freaked out, De Niro..."

paused before asking "Are you planning to make Tootsie, the sequel?". Dustin Hoffman looked shocked, before..

'admitting "no, the corset is for my own pleasure..." before a shocked De Niro has time to answer the paparazzi snap them and print their picture with the headline....'

'... "Men in Black III?" Well, this surprised Will Smith, who ...'

...immediately called Tom Cruise to see if he wanted to do a sequel to "Rainman."

You can imagine his surprise when he found Jane Fonda answered the phone.

' who was being employed by Tom Cruise as a part time cleaner. "Whaddya want?" she rasped - the 60 a day cigarette habit was doing her voice no favours..."

"Jane... Jane..." said Will, "Why are you still working at minimum for Tom? I could get you a dozen better opportunities! Just say the word."

"I like workin' for Tom" she rasped, coughing violently and making Will shudder on the other end of the phone "he tells me all his secrets...like when he was caught sharing a jacuzzi with...'

"his precious Katie and Heath Ledger while Heath was learning lines for "Brokeback Mountain."

Unfortunately for all concerned Oprah was scanning the mobile phone frequencies and had heard every word, "This will make a great programme, I'll call it......

'Scientology - What You Don't See' (;))..."I'll make millions to add to my other millions" cackled Oprah, evilly...Just then, Oprah's manservant Clint Eastwood comes into the room to serve her tea and drops the bombshell....'

"but surely they'll be someone to stop you" Clint said, "like who?" Oprah snapped back. Just then the window smashed and in jumped Elton John claiming, "I will, This evil plan will never work"

"And how do you work that out?" said Oprah, sneering. "Well," said Elton adjusting his wig. "I've written a song about it and my partner David Furnish is going to organise a charity benefit gig to stop your evil plan coming to fruition...mwahahaha all we need now is for...."

"George Michael to agree to do the benefit with us and we'll have it made." What Elton didn't realize was that......."

simply putting spandex underwear over tights does not make you a super hero. Clint spun around knocking Elton to the floor "OK punk do you feel lucky".

Elton looked up, gulped and whispered....

"... not right at the moment, Clint. But, when Will Smith uses his MIB gun on you, that will all change."

Clint laughed a dry, cynical laugh and said "That's not a real gun - he bought it from Toys R Us..." Eltons bottom lip began to tremble and he started to cry...just then, there was a huge sound of glass smashing...the assembled company turned to look, and who should have shimmied in through the window but...

... Britney Spears, who had just left the rehab centre after just one day for the second time! "Anyone see my wig?" she asked.

Suddenly the adjoining bathroom door slammed open, exposing a wet, dripping and towel-clad Susan Lucci, smelling of lilac bubble bath.

"Here's a wig for you, you no-talented, baldheaded, pantyless bitch!" Lucci screamed, taking one sinewy hand, snatching the hair off her head and throwing it at Britney in one fell swoop.

Lucci added, "By-the-way, your boobs look phoney."

"They are" said Britney "I had a builder install them at the same time he built my swimming pool - He had a couple of bricks and some mortar left, so I thought 'Why not?'" Lucci looked intrigued and asked for the builder's name and number - she was shocked when it turned out to be...

Bob Villa, who had done some work at one of Lucci's summer homes a few years back. She then said to Ms. Spears, "Hmmmm, I wonder if he could do something about this?" as she..........

lifted up her skirt "I need a new chest of drawers putting in" ( ;) couldn't think of a better euphemism...lol). Britney laughed and said "He'd need an awful lot of wood to sort that out, here I think you'd better have my gynaecologists number instead...". So, Susan diligently called the gynae's number to get an appointment - imagine her surprise when she turned up at the surgery the next day to be greeted by....

...edward scissorhands :D she ran screaming from the office and straight into the arms of...

Anthony Hopkins (dressed as Hannibel Lecter) who immediately offered to take her for dinner - all washed down with a nice chianti ;) . She pondered on whether to take him up on this for a moment, but before she could answer...

.... a freshly shaven Britney Spears (both upstairs and down) comes screaming into view, "Look at me, look at me! I've lost my........"

marbles...can you help me find them? I had 100 an they were all different pretty colours. I lent some to Kevin Federline but he won't give me them back and now I'm.....'

...totally screwed! i can't play mousetrap without my marbles! i need another daddy for my baby and how will i ever find one if i can't play mousetrap?" susan lucci nods with wide-eyed wonder at such wisdom and gasps, "my god, she's right! someone! quick! what's the number for 911!?" but just then famous psychic john edwards appears in a wisp of vapor, gently takes britney's hands and croons, "britney...

..... I sense that you are very troubled. Something to do with a mouse wearing suspenders? Does that sound right? No wait, I'm seeing a sexual encounter with you and......."

... red green. yes red green. i see him now. he's wearing suspenders. he's got a roll of duct tape. HE is your baby's daddy!" suddenly, lucci goes ballistic, "you whore! dirty rotten whore! red green is mine. he swore i was the ony one he'd ever duct." she goes right for the throat, digging her talons into britney's jugular. blood squirts 20 feet into the air, raining down on them all, just as woody allen walks up wearing a white dress, a cap and horn-rimmed glasses. "uhmmm. i hate to be a bother but ...

..... have any of you seen a young Asian girl wearing a strap on dildo and top hat? We're shooting a picture and we need to find her. She's in a scene with myself and Bob Barker and we need her to........."

...spin my prize wheel, if ya know what I mean. While Ms. Spears lay in a pool of her own drugfilled bodily fluids, and Ms. Lucci ranted maniacally over the nearloss of her secret handyman lover, John Edwards had managed to use the distraction to leap out what's left of the window into the waiting arms of...

... dionne warwick. "MWAHAHAHAHA,' she cackles. "i knew those dimwits would believe your psychic claptrap. now that britney's out of the way, we're finally free to...

...take over the void created in pop music with our new group War-Ed! First order of business is to...

... call justin timberlake, tell him he can finally get rid of the red green disguise and that we will be arriving shortly to collect our fee." edwards nuzzles his face against dionne's leg. "get down, lowly dog!" she says. "but mistress," he pleads. "shut UP! i'm trying to think" she begins to pace, "then, after our band goes top forty, and we start raking in the cash, we can finally re-establish the psychic friends network, our diabolical secret cover operation for … (insert appropriate bom, bom BOOOMMMM music here)