| Belial |
10-20-2006 08:23 PM |
You guys should hear Henry Rollins' account of his attendance of a Ratt concert around 1999 :)
"...lots of these bands were majorly huge on MTV, had kinda fluffy records with big riffs and silly lyrics, with the 'car-as-girl metaphor', you know 'I drove her all night, all right!' 'second gear! Uh, something that...rhymes with rear!' and they made these incredible videos, like the Warrant video where they're all humping the firehose, 'HEHE IT'S A FIREHOSE, GET IT?'...and they did the most incredible press shots, where they'd get in the most garish outfits, wear eyeliner and lip gloss, and look at the camera, like 'I'm gonna rawk you, dude!' But with lip gloss on...it sends out a really strange ambiguous message, cause part of it is like 'I'm gonna rawk you, motherfucker!', and the other part is 'Yeeeahhh! Oh fuck me, you bastard!'..and they always had those mouth-open shots like 'Ohhh...insert cock here!'.."
"..and a lot of men live in this fallacy where they think their waistline has not changed since high school..'you know, the only thing that's changed in me is my legs are bigger since I work out every 8 months', so they delude themselves into thinking they can still fit into the 501's they haven't worn since 1988...and they get 'em up to about mid-thigh, and the pant just quits! There's no more to go! And denim is not a very forgiving fabric, but these guys are strong, and they're desperate, so they get 'em up to about here, and the eye and the button and the top are about six inches up, and he says 'Oh fuck', and goes to the garage and duct tapes those babies up"
"...and his girlfriend has not been spared the ravages of time either. She has to get back into spandex, which is a much more forgiving fabric, it's going along for the joke, and they've got that frontal labial wedgie split going...I'm just tellin' you what I saw...and a lot of these women have not come to the conclusion that when you get older, you kinda widen out a little, and you need to buy a bra that allows for that expansion, and so some of these women cannot come to grips with that, and they keep that bra for the last 15 years...now, the fat that's on the side..I'm just tellin you what I saw..it has two choices, it can either go up, or down, but it cannot stay under the oppressive weight of the bra strap, now, since the girl's halter has no sleeve, it tends to go up and over and form this fleshy sausage, kinda dappled with armpit hair and white anti-persperant.."
"..the guitarist is waiting for every lead so he can show you that he can move his fingers faster than the speed of light, and you remember those guys from the 80s, those dealers of the cheesy yet tasty lix, and they would try to make this face where they would try and say 'I am..so insane..my hands are like lethal weapons on the guitar, and they are so out of control, I don't even know what's gonna happen next' and they would hit that whammy bar and try to crush their ass cheeks together and make that o-face.."
"..the singer is reclining back like the desert winds of destiny are blowing in his face.."
"..and the bass player has maginificent leather pants, fantastic hair, and he's whipping that bass with his hair...and these women are around him, it's like a feeding frenzy, and I start noticing I'm getting elbowed in my back, by these metal mamas holding a beer aloft like the statue of liberty, getting men out of the way so they can clamour around the bass player and twitch and lose their minds.."
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