am i a slut?
 

Just had a convo with someone.... and I dont know... maybe I'm just a slut :-/

bc of some of the stuff ive done.....
like sleeping with 7 guys since feb 14
doing a threesome
being horny alot
other stuff...

I kinda feel crappy right now....:(

[yes i do use condoms and everything]

Raven Hon, you've just discovered your sexual side. Personally I despise those words that label a person as bad for enjoying sex. If a guy your age was doing the same thing his Dad would be cheering him on. If you enjoy it and use your head about protection then whose right is it to condemn you for that? Most of the ones who would seek to put you down are wishing they were in a position to do the same. Feel good about you. You're a beautiful vibrant young lady.

You right Sharni, its not a nice word.

Ummm, how to say this? Raven, i guess its because now you've finally found out how good sex is, you want to have it all the time. call it novelty value or something. But enjoy it!

However, if you feel this way about it, perhaps you might want to sit down and try and decide where you want to go with your sex life. But its your call, Raven, we can be here to listen and sympathize if you need us to. No sense in beating yourself up over it, it doesn't work, been there myself! ;-)

Take care

raven18,

A slut is a slovenly, depraved woman. If you discuss your sexual behavior with people who condemn multiple partners (either in series or in parallel) then the feedback you get will be colored by their opinions. If you discuss the same behaviors with the people who have a different vision of healthy sexual activity - Pixies comes to mind here, the feedback you’ll get will be rather different.

You are designed to be sexually active at your age. Your interest in, and desire to explore your sexuality is what, in aggregate, replenishes the species. Society (your folks, friends, community et al) find it immensely easier to get on with the many other burdens of life if the fires of youth are actively managed. Social pressures such as negative feedback about taboo behaviors have proven to be effective tools.

The transformation from a child into an adult – not an older child or an ageing adolescent – is a complex process. You will come to terms with compromise, although that proved to be difficult for me. You will recognize that ideals are to be striven for and not necessarily achieved. You are, with the onset of sexual activity adding to the number of complexities in your life. These years are unavoidably difficult.

The way you are using the word describes how you feel about yourself. You don’t seem like a slut to me, but what is paramount is how you feel about yourself. If you are using multiple sexual partners to fill an emptiness within, then you would be better served fixing the void than filling it. Take you life at a pace that suits you, not some you that you think you “should” be.

Good luck.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself, whether it's sex or anything else. As long as it's not harmful to yourself or anyone else. So don't give this idiot a second thought.
Tony

Mine wouldn't.

Tony, I think u missed the point. jseal was offering good advice, and he's more or less right.

The point is the poor girl is beating herself up mentally. We are not talking about whether the sex itself is right or wrong. Sex should be fun, and at the time it is, but Raven is now feeling bad. That, IMO, is the point. She's gone from being a virgin to having sex on a regular basis, then to experimenting with threesomes and the rest of it. Its not the sex thats wrong.

For me this whole thing is very recent, cos I was in her position only 3 years ago, and no I'm not telling how old I am. Lets just say I was of slightly more years than Raven at the moment. :D

If it feels good, you are not hurting anyone (without explicit consent) and you are not violating your personal limits of comfort, and you fee lsecure in the environemnt you are in, then THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with doing what you want to!
If you like something and can share it with someone else than that is all the better!

Relax, all is well! HAVE FUN!

jseal was dead on..it's all about how you feel about yourself. If you feel comfortable with your life...then by all means..enjoy yourself..(just continue to be carefull).. but if you are second guessing yourself..using sex to fill an emptyness inside you and esentally just doing it because you think you should then maybe you should step back and regroup. Many people your age go through the same situation....peer pressure and need to feel loved and accepted as well as your own screaming hormones.

Other people's opinions really don't mean shit.. They can't tell you how you feel.. You're the one who lives your life. If you're exploring..enjoying yourself..being carefull and lovin it.. don't let others talk you into feeling guilty. How you feel about yourself is all that matters. Look into your own heart..the answers are there.

Good Luck

Sweetie, I AM A SLUT, and proud of it!!!!
The definition "slovenly unkempt woman" comes from the old Male dominated belief system that a woman who has sex for pleasure, and not for marriage and having kids can't respect herself or be respectable.
THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!

Hon, I have had more encounters than you list in the same period of time, including a 3sum or 2. I go to bars, and meet interesting, exciting, sexy people, and fuck them.
So what? Like you, I take excellent care of myself, am selective, and careful to avoid disease.
I am also a member of 2 different Women's Business organizations here. They don't know about my private life, and they don't need to. I am not foolish or naive enough to think that it would not affect my social standing.
In other words, what they don't know won't hurt ME!

Have fun, experiment, and keep BEING CAREFUL!!!!
(Have you experimented with other women yet? Yum!!)

Love,

Pixie's proud SLUT!!!!


Wicked Wanda

That is the big thing Raven, be careful. And from the sound of it you are. I've never had that many partners in that short of time but that doesn't mean anything.

I've been to a friends house where we partyed every night for a week. In that week the guys and gals switched who they were with every night. While I didn't have sex I was with a different girl every night, doing everything but sex. I don't see a problem with the way I acted, nor do I see a problem with the way the women acted. We were all having fun and doing what we wanted to do. We were all safe and nobody was treated any different.

I enjoy being sexually open. Sex has moved beyond the realm of simple reproduction. It is, to put it simply, a form of recreation.

I'm actually a little jealous Raven, I've not gotten any action in months now. And to be honest I'd rather have lots with different people then none at all.

Basically, you're a slut if you want to be a slut, that is, if you want to think of yourself as a slut.

How active you are sexually is irrelevant.

Anyone who decides you are a slut without knowing how you want to feel about yourself is a judemental fuckhead.

can i be number 8?

the way that i view a slut is a prostitute or a pornstar something along that order,

and as far as sex goes, some people experience it more often then others, and thats not a bad thing!

hell if i could get women i would want to please them, and since sex is the way to do it then i'd go right ahead and do it,

i've found that most people are idiots, and thats that, you can't let one person tell you what you are cause how the hell would they know?

Raven -

"Slut" is just a lable...nothing else. And...if you don't fee that you are one (in its negative connotations only) then you aren't one! Here is an article that you may find helpful....

http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0339/taormino.php

A quote from http://www.segnbora.com/whatis.html
that I found particularly interesting...

Sexual philanthropy! Do people go around insulting monetary philanthropists, saying they're immoral, untrustworthy, low-class? Nope. Usually we praise philanthropists for making other people's lives easier; we approve of volunteers for donating their time and labor to others, and in both cases, people try to promote these kinds of helping by emphasizing that it is fun for the giver. But if it's sex being given, in most people's minds there must be something wrong with getting pleasure from giving pleasure. To me, this just means that most people are nuts. How anyone who enjoys sex themselves could possibly put down someone else's enjoyment of sex is really beyond me. (As for those who don't enjoy sex, I just pity them.)

The only concern that I have for you is this - It is like a kid let lose in a candy store that has never tasted chocolate....this kids walks into the store - eyes open wide, and takes a little taste of a piece of chocolate...soon the kid is eating everything in site without regard to what this may do to him/her physically/emotionally/mentally. The store clerk is looking at ths kid like "Wow! I have hit the jackpot and I am gonna use this kid for all that I can!" and keeps feeding this kid candy until this kid is sick....in more ways than one.

So, after that analogy this is what I have to say to you....I know that you are careful, but also keep in mind that there are people out there that will use your new found "freedom" to their advantage - and think nothing of destroying you in the process...and they can destroy you with lables if you allow them to. Unfortunately, this is just your first encounter being judged by others who have a set of standards that are in the dark ages...

(((((HUGS))))) Raven

Chey

I will tell you exactly what I told a very sexy young woman I worked with who was going through finding out she had contracted an STD and was devastated..

Just because you can say NO, doesn't mean you always should and likewise just because you can say YES, doesn't mean you always have to.


You are you......not the labels people try to attach to you. They only stick if you let them.

Max Lucado has written a great kid's book about this very topic ( well but not sexual:p) You Are Special. I hope more parents teach their kid's not to accept prescribed labels...those kids would also be less likely to hand them out.

Chin Up Raven!

Yea, I do it bc I just like sex, not for anyone else.

btw, yes I've experimented with girls, so I might be bi now.

*sigh* So much easier for girls to get laid then guys.

Sex is good either way though.

Raven18, if you're happy with yourself then there's no problem.

If you have to post like this then you're either happy with yourself and you just want to "brag" about what you're doing or you're not happy with yourself and you want to change your life.

What ever it is you don't need to listen to anyone but yourself.

In some way, I think that most of the readers here, but for Cheyanne, missed my point.
Am I viewed here as a woman so far from "normal" that my views are not taken seriously?
THE WORD SLUT IS A STUPID, IGNORANT LABEL OF A MALE DOMINATED SOCIETY, AND WHEN WOMEN USE IT NEGATIVELY THEY ARE BUYING IN TO THE SELF -LOATHING AND DENIAL ABOUT THEIR OWN REAL SEXUAL DESIRES AND THOUGHTS.
I AM A SLUT, AND IT IS A POSITIVE THING!!!!
There is nothing wrong with monogamy.
Of course as a nurse in an outreach clinic I see dozens of young women who staying in hurtful, abusive monogamous relationships because they don't know what else to do.
Does that mean that all women in monagamous relationships are destined for abuse? Of course not.
So are women like me, who embrace their sexual selves, their desires, passions and simple interest in raw sexuality, destined for STD's, AIDS, rape, or the eventual "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" horrible, violent death?
My one experience with STD was from my own dear rat -bastard shit -head hubby, at a time when I was purely monogamous.
And yes, I have had violent encounters. I wrote about one here. My mistake was ignorance of male self esteem. I made a joke about his penis. I was still young, inexperienced, and got physically and mentally bruised.
I learned.

There is nothing wrong with embracing your sexual self.
It is a sign of a sick world that when you are a woman who does so, it is a bad thing.

Wanda

I agree, whole-heartedly. Don't let a puritanical culture put its warped "stuff" about sex onto you. Sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. We forget that. Well, maybe not the folks here, but the world in general. Sex is a natural thing. It's only when we pile up the baggage upon it that it changes into something to worry about. Nothing is so good or bad as thinking makes it so. I wish I could have more threesomes--good on ya!

Enjoy your sexuality, be safe and smart, and stop worrying. We women have a hard enough time accepting our sexuality at all, let alone on our own terms. But we have needs, drives, and desires as much as any man. And if you, newly deflowered Raven, can avoid ANY of the self-doubt that we've all felt, that would be revolutionary. What other people think of you is none of your business. The only person you need to be okay with is you.

You are a sexual human being.And you have discovered it's all good.Lilith is absolutly right and Wicked Wanda is correct about the origin of the word.However,If you still think you are a slut,PM me for my address and if you ever find yourself in Southern California,Pulleeze stop by.

forget labels, forgive ignorance, live life to the fullest, be safe and don't let other's define you....that's your job, and your's alone

I hate being labeled. I have my flings were I go wild and have picked up men and woman for the purpose of having sex. I still do it but I do use protection now a days. I been having sex since I was a sophmore in H.S and been called other things also. For all the people I have had sex with I had a few of them calling me that and I stopped what ever act I was in and walked or told them to get out. Im 43 now you could do the math. I went through a lot of men plus in my younger days I worked as a topless dancer. I can't even count how many bjs and lays I had. I have a high sex drive still to this day, and my S/O knows it. Now I have 7 fuck buddies that are married and we swing with most so to us its not cheating because there s/o knows to. Once in a while if I see a hot guy out there ill play if im in the mood. buy safe sex only.........

Guys live for sluts!

Slut-dom is in the mind of the term's definer. I would define a slut as someone (male or female) who engages in some sort of deceit or dishonest exploitation of other people, habitually, for sex.

not in my eyes
 

i do not think that makes u a slut.
i know there are people out there and not quite a few, who might say so. but these are the same people who would ove to do the same or even have sex with 5 different partners in two weeks or less. but then they are proud of. that especially is for the boys.
u are the greatest for ur peeps if u have had lots of women but exactly these women they call slut afterwards. i do not understand that. i think very unlogic and kind of dump.
so don't give a shit about what this people say.
as u said by ur self, u do it bc of the fun. and there is nothing wrong with having sex. and also not with having several different partners. if it feels ok for u there is no problem.
it becomes slutty if u have sex bc u want something in return, i.e. a better job, good marks, money, ...
but if u do it for fun and lust - it's the best thing u can do and it is more than ok to share that thing with many other people. ;)
i think most of my words have already been spoken, but that can't be told often enough.

so keep having fun. :lust: :3: :69: :bj: :bsex: :hump: :sex:

((((WW))))
Kudos to you WW!! I'm right with you. A slut is someone that loves sex. I think if you want to get into a label that denotes bad hygiene, that falls under the label: Skank. But whether slut or skank, they are just labels. I also think you need not be female to be a slut, as I totally consider myself to be a slut! I may have not had but one partner in the last six years or so, but I am still a slut. It's only a bad label if you want it to be. Cheer up Raven, you're in good company. :D

I would not your a slut. 7 guys since Feb, sounds to me like your finding your sex drive, and experimenting. But then again your also talking to a guy that slept with 14 ladies in 14 weeks. But once you find that one person to spend the rest of your life with you can show him a thing or two. And Rock his world

Slut is a judgement made by people who don't have the right.

Dammit, everything I was going to say has been said.

I am, yes, I am!

I agree that 'slut' is just a label and shouldn't exist, but it DOES exist.

If you are prepared to fight against that label, and accept the limitations which it will inevitably bring, then carry on the way you are. Because there will be guys who may not want to be with a woman who has slept with lots of other people etc. and there will be girls who'll talk behind your back etc.

I'm not saying that they are right to judge you in this way, but you WILL be judged and your life will be affected if you carry on the way you are.

You may not FEEL like a slut, you may not even think you act like one, but if other people think you act like one, then you will be treated like one. This means men using you for sex (which may be fine now, but when you meet someone you fall in love with, you may feel differently) and women not wanting to offer you the friendship that everyone needs.

If I were you, I'd also examine the way your behaviour has changed so radically since your split with your long term boyfriend at the beginning of the year. Might it be that you're using sex as a way to boost your ego after your break-up?


Just some things I think you might want to consider.

*Slaps raven18*

No, that wasn't a slap for being a slut, it was a slap to wake up! You're one of the hottest things to hit Pixies, babe! You come along and I temporarily disappear, damn, bad timing.

go for it sweety....your only young once....those that criticise are only jealous

Thanks everyone....

i'm definitely jealous!!

Re: am i a slut?
 

http://test3.thespark.com/sluttest/

I don't like the word " slut " either. As long as you protect yourself, I don't see a problem. Keep exploring your sexuality, it's healthy.

Re: Re: am i a slut?
 

I believe I got 49% on that